All Things DuBose

CARE :: Defending Dignity, Fighting Poverty

2010-07-29T11:07:00.000-04:00

CARE :: Defending Dignity, Fighting Poverty

Why Every Christian is Called to Rescue Orphans - Abba Changes Everything | Christianity Today

2010-07-06T16:07:00.000-04:00

Abba Changes Everything | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

Taking a Stand

2010-07-06T09:05:00.000-04:00

Thought I'd share an email I sent to MSNBC this morning. As the saying goes... If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

I am sad to say I am extremely disappointed in Today’s decision to air an excerpt of a Lady Gaga video as a promo for her upcoming Today show appearance. I am not a Lady Gaga fan nor do I have anything against the entertainer. However, I was shocked to see a video clip of her erotically grinding her “nether region” on someone and kissing another woman. Why on earth would you air this promo at 9:30 AM EST? I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, however, my toddler son was in the living room standing in front of the TV with my husband when this aired. If he were any older I would have some serious explaining to do.

Consider this your one and only warning, Today. I’ve been a faithful viewer for decades, however, I will not allow your blatant disregard for family values to infiltrate my home. It’s hard enough to instill morals and values in our children today and I certainly will not allow you to further enhance an already-monumental challenge

What a Wonderful World it would be

2010-04-29T08:03:00.002-04:00

I’m reading my way through the Bible for the second time and this morning’s reading was the book of Joel, a prophetic book about God’s judgment. Joel also speaks much about the day of the Lord and the final cosmic battle between good and evil. After I finished the heavy reading of this book I felt I needed a little pick-me-up so I began to thumb through the New Testament. I came across the following verses.

1 Thessalonians 5:14-18
14And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.

16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

What beautiful thoughts and words to carry forth into the day. As I reflect on this passage I can’t help but think of what a wonderful world it would be if everyone followed this directive. God truly has given us life’s instruction manual in His Word. We just fail to follow His instructions.

I’m going to print out this passage and display it prominently in front of me today—no matter where I am. I intend to keep it in my line of vision so I will have a constant reminder to encourage, help, be patient, be kind, be joyous, be prayerful and most of all be thankful—in all things. Care to join me? Maybe together we can indeed make the world a more wonderful place.

Remembering in the Wilderness

2010-04-28T08:30:00.001-04:00

Wow! Talk about a timely message. The following devotional was in my Inbox this morning. How apropos! But then again God is amazing like that. Absolutely perfect... (And yes, in reading the Old Testament I've thought these exact thoughts about the children of Israel.)

remembering in the wilderness

So Much to Say

2010-04-27T09:03:00.000-04:00

I have so much to say, so many things God has laid upon my heart that I’m not even sure where to begin. I’ve posted ad nauseam this year about challenges my family are facing. The “talking points” God has placed on my heart relate to these challenges. Perhaps God has someone specific in mind to benefit from this blog entry.

Let me just say again that the economy is kicking our tails. I’m so tired of thinking, let alone talking/writing, about it but I feel a need to preface what I’m going to write. We have seen a dramatic downturn in our business revenue and therefore, our personal income. Don’t get me wrong, we continue to be blessed beyond measure compared to many. Our company’s doors are still open and God continues to bring business through them, however, we have had to be very creative in reworking our operational budgets—corporately and personally. This is an on-going, constant project. The stress of this is overwhelming. We never seem to get away from it. It is present when we wake up, throughout the day, when we’re trying to relax at day’s end, when we go to bed and unfortunately when we are sleeping. It definitely takes a toll on us.

It gives me great joy to say it has not taken a toll on our family life. Our situation has opened our eyes as to how much excess we truly had. There is no shopping unless it is for Jackson, and even that is only at consignment stores. Thankfully they are plentiful in Palm Beach County. As for entertainment—it is non-existent outside of our home. If it costs money, we don’t do it. We don’t dine out. We don’t attend events. We don’t travel. Much as I’d like to, I don’t join the costly mother and child activity groups. Yet our recreation is plentiful. We cannot believe how much richer our lives are for this. Another unexpected yet cherished by-product of these trying times is that our marriage is stronger. I know this is usually not the case. Financial stress has been the death knell for many previously-healthy relationships. We give God the glory for bringing us closer together. A great analogy would be that of people adrift in the ocean on a life raft. My husband and I are huddled together, better yet clinging together, for strength and security. Praise God!

Yet despite these positive turns, life is stressful and most days I forget just how faithful God has been and is. I had this realization in church Sunday. We had our final, one-year post-placement adoption visit with our social worker Saturday. I was a nervous wreck for our first and even second post-placement visits but I hardly gave this visit a second thought. We sailed through the visit, talking to the social worker like she was a neighbor. No stress. No worry. We just chatted and laughed. And I never took the time to appreciate that until singing a song in church Sunday. God hit me over the head with that realization. I had stopped appreciating all the good things in life that happen every single day. Shame on me. I’ve become so caught up in the worry and stress that I stopped living. My life had become joyless.

I really focused on this realization this morning in my prayer time and in response God showered me—literally—with memories of all of the wonderful and wondrous things he has done in my life over the years. The memories just flooded over me. In my mind I could see struggles I’ve had over the years, but they were visually small—like looking through a pinhole. And I could see blessings and answers to prayers and they were larger than life! I really believe God was reminding me that the struggles we’re facing right now will be overshadowed yet again with amazing blessings—if we just keep our focus on Him and let Him work within us, refining us. He is glorified in this—in all things—good and bad. Always! It is imperative that we never, ever lose sight of His sovereignty.

Ecclesiastes 7:14
When times are good be happy; but when times are bad, consider God has made the one as well as the other.

Psalm 40:5
Many, Oh LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them they would be too many to declare.

Be blessed, whoever you are. Please don’t let your life be joyless. Find joy in everything, in ever blessing—no matter how great or how small, and remember to give God the glory. He wants only good things for you.

Jeremiah 29:11
“…For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future…”

Reconciling

2010-04-20T15:27:00.002-04:00

I’ve been having a tough time lately reconciling the mundane “concerns” of my (family’s) life against the true trials and tribulations of life as a whole. I’ve wrestled with this dichotomy before, but it really struck me yesterday as I was trying to remedy the underarm stains of my husband’s dress shirts. I don’t mean to trivialize his problem. Really, I don’t. His appearance and presentation are direct representations of our business. The bottom line is this: the typical person judges man’s outward appearance. Period. If my husband doesn’t look his best, people may not want to do business with him. This is a sad but true fact.

As I was lamenting the best and most cost-effective way to treat the stains (which ironically occurred because the manufacturer felt the need to “improve” the antiperspirant formula) it really struck me that this absolutely has to be at the bottom of the “life’s most important things” list. There are people around the world and around the corner who are homeless, starving, dying, losing their homes, being exploited, victimized and abused—and we’re worried about underarm stains. Even writing this makes me sick to my stomach.

Where and how do we begin to make a difference? Some of you who are reading this know I’ve written in this vein before. This overwhelming feeling of inadequacy is not new to me. If anything, I’ve become even more aware of the disparate circumstances of humankind. I’ve read some great books as of late regarding our call as Christians to serve others so it’s fair to say the Holy Spirit is working within me, prompting me to get out and do something. I’ve been tossing some ideas around in my head—possible ways to raise monies to support causes near and dear to my heart. These are, of course, mostly causes that provide some manner of care for orphans.

I’ll keep you posted as to what transpires. As a matter of fact, be prepared because I just may come to you for support for a cause or two. Until then, I guess I will have to find a way to reconcile our family's simple yet abundant blessings— health, love, food, shelter, clothing, safety, freedom—to the poverty that truly isn’t that far removed from our lives.

Galations 6:2
Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Not About Me

2010-04-09T15:28:00.000-04:00

My earnest prayer for the past few months has been for it to “not be about me”. Seriously. I’ve had enough of me. I no longer want it “to be about me”. But things always have a way of turning themselves around in my head and before I know it—you guessed it—it’s about me. Grrrrrr…… How and why does this happen? I wish I could tell you this is meant as a rhetorical question, but it’s not. I don’t understand why it is so difficult to continue with a mindset for more than a couple of days. I couldn’t be more serious when I pray this prayer. I’m over me. I’ve worried about me enough over the years. It’s time I focus on someone else—a much greater cause than the Cause of Me.

There have been studies conducted on the subject of worry. Here are some interesting points to ponder.

40% - Percentage of what people worry about that never happens
30% - Percentage of what people worry about that has already happened and is unalterable
12% - Percentage of what the average person worries about that is said by others (about them), which is usually untrue
10% - Percentage of worry that deals with health matters, which are exacerbated by worry

If you add up these percentages this means eight percent of the things we worry about are real problems—which aren’t remedied by worry anyway!

What a colossal waste of time and energy!

So what am I going to do about it? I’m going to keep on praying. As a matter of fact, I’m going to ramp it up! I’m going to put this prayer into hyper-overdrive. I want more than anything to spend this valuable time and energy on making someone else’s life and circumstances better. Yep, that’s what I’m going to do. As my loving and wise husband tells me, I’m getting over myself. I’m stepping aside, out of my own way. I’m going to let it be about someone else for a change.

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? (Matt 6:25-26)

Indeed! And in deed! Let it be about someone else!

Resting in the Good

2010-03-31T14:32:00.000-04:00

I haven’t had any free time to write lately. As you can probably imagine, I more than have my hands full caring for a 16-month old, my husband, my home and myself (in that order)—all while attempting to work efficiently from home. But this may be a good thing because I’ve really been mulling over what I want to write about. I’ve had several things that have weighed heavily on my heart lately, but a lack of time for writing has really let me disseminate and organize my thoughts.

I’ve been really touched as of late by a lot of things in the news. As I’ve written before, I have a tendency to be hyper-sensitive to bad news, but lately I’ve been virtually grief-stricken for the world as a whole. I feel the turpitudes of modern society are increasing at lightening speed. No longer the exception to the rule, I’m physically sickened to read the newspaper most every day. My spirit is literally weighed down when I think about the evil humans are capable of committing. Although this has been on my heart, I absolutely refuse to devote an entire blog entry to the subject of evilness. Simply put, I will not give Satan this much power.

Low and behold, what does God place upon my heart? Goodness! Grace! Empathy! Compassion! Mercy! Hope! The list goes on and on. Of course this has much to do with Holy Week—the days between Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday.

I’ve been reading Isaiah 53 a lot lately. This has come to be one of my all time favorite chapters of the Bible. I find Isaiah 53 paints the most moving portrait of God’s love for us. As I read the words of this chapter I feel (in my own heart) the same pain and anguish that God feels, over the death of His Son. These feelings of pain and anguish made me realize that if I am capable of feeling what God feels, then He is more than capable of feeling what I feel. I mean, after all, He created ME! If I’m grief-stricken about the downward spiral of humankind, just imagine how God feels. He is even more heartsick than I am because we are His creation.

But my thoughts don’t end here with the topic of sadness. My recognition that God feels what I do (and vice versa) made me realize that this carries over to gladness as well. If God and I feel the same anguish and pain then we also feel the same gladness and joy. I just don’t always take advantage of this. Shame on me. Seriously, shame on me for not always grasping the goodness God has placed in front of me. Why do I choose to dwell on the bad when I can rest in the good? God has given us hope in the life, death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ. And in this hope He has given us the future certainty of life everlasting. I should be joyful! My pain and anguish are temporary. I will face many trials and tribulations as I walk through this life, but I will indeed persevere because of the sacrifice God ultimately made for us humans. This isn’t abstract thinking, it’s reality.

I need to change my focus. I need to feel the happiness and joy God feels. I need to not only experience His gladness, but embrace it—fully! His joy is there for the taking, I just need to reach out and grab it.

Isaiah 53

1 Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?

2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.

8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.

11 After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.

12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

2010-03-15T14:01:00.000-04:00

One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
‘Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales
Which tells us the way to go.
Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate,
As we voyage along through life:
‘Tis the set of a soul
That decides its goal,
And not the calm or the strife. —Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I came across this poem in Charles R. Swindoll’s So you Want to Be Like Christ a couple of weeks ago. I absolutely fell in love with it and think of these words often.

This poem gives me great pause as I contemplate which type of “sailor” I am. Does my ship take on water when the seas become rough or do I tack with the wind to keep moving forward, even if it means moving in a slightly different direction? I’d like to think I’m the latter, but it’s not by my own wisdom, strength and discernment that the waves don’t sink my ship. On the contrary, it is only with wisdom, strength, discernment and direction from God’s Holy Spirit that I am able to safely navigate life’s waters. I wouldn’t have it any other way. As I sail through life I am well aware of my limitations.

Amazing God

2010-03-07T14:01:00.001-05:00

I serve an amazing God. He is a loving God. He is merciful and full of grace. He is faithful. He is omnipotent and omniscient. And He loves me. Despite all my glaring flaws and faults my Redeemer loves me. Who knows me better than He?

No matter what type of storm I’m weathering, God is ever-present in my life. No matter the turmoil I’m facing or the raging sea in front of me, He is there for me every moment of the day, every single day. Oftentimes I’m so mired down in the struggles of life that I forget to give God the glory and honor He so rightly deserves. This oversight causes me great sadness when brought to light. I wish I could tell you I learned from this mistake the first time it happened, never to repeat it, but of course that’s not the case. I stumble and fall time and time again. But God keeps no record of my mistakes. He still loves me despite myself. Through the blood of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ my sins are washed away.

I love my Heavenly Father. I give Him thanks and praise, not for what He does for me, but simply because He is worthy. He cares deeply for me and loves me beyond measure. He cares so much that He sent His son to die for me—a poor, miserable, undeserving sinner. I can’t think of anyone more worthy of my adoration and devotion. Thank you, Father God. Thank you.

Exodus 15:2

The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.

Great Message Worth Sharing - Newsboys - Born Again (Official Video)

2010-03-03T18:52:00.001-05:00

Video for the song, "Born Again", the title track off the newsboys new record which releases June 8th, 2010. This video was shot just outside Tijuana, Mexico in the Baja penninsula, where the newsboys will be taking friends and fans this summer to embark on one of the biggest home building projects ever to support the poverty stricken people of the Baja.

Epiphany #2

2010-03-02T13:24:00.001-05:00

I have a very specific routine I follow when putting Jackson down for a nap or bedtime. Our routine culminates with us sitting in a chair in the corner of his room. He straddles my lap and faces me. Oftentimes he is so spent from activity that he immediately puts his head on my shoulder and nods off to sleep within a minute or two. He does, however, on occasion fight sleep by clapping his hands, making faces at me and in the mirror behind us or tugging my hair while intermittently resting his head on my shoulder, fighting to keep his eyes open. It is this last action that is so special to me. As Jackson’s head rests on my shoulder we look into each others eyes. His lids are heavy and it is hard for him to keep his eyes open, yet we lock eyes and gaze deeply into each others' hearts.

As much as I look forward to the days when Jackson is a little more able-bodied and independent, I dread the time when he will no longer want to or be able to physically fall asleep in my lap because he has reached big-boy status. These ten minutes we share (a maximum of five minutes per nap/bedtime are all is takes) are the most special, cherished moments of my day. It is special ten-minute soul- connection that I experience at no other time of the day. We are as close as two individuals can possibly be for these few moments.

This afternoon, as we were going through our naptime routine, it dawned on me that God probably feels like this about us—His children. Although we are independent adults, God never wants us to become so self-sufficient that we no longer need Him. He wants us to be healthy, functioning individuals; however, he still wants us to be dependent upon him. He wants the same closeness and intimacy—this same soul-connection—that I share with Jackson.

1 Chronicles 16:11

Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.

Never Alone

2010-02-28T20:26:00.000-05:00

We’ve had rough week in the DuBose household. My husband became sick last weekend with a bad cold and cough that eventually developed into a severe case of sinusitis. Jackson began to exhibit symptoms Monday and I became sick Thursday. A cold is apparently the gift that just keeps on giving.

Poor Jackson began sneezing and coughing with a slight fever Monday. By Wednesday he had a temperature of 102.3 with what I thought was a full-blown cold. Luckily he was supposed to see his pediatrician that day for his fifteen month well-baby check-up. Not only did the poor little guy have a cold, but he also has a really severe bilateral ear infection, throat infection and bronchitis. We’ve made two subsequent trips to the pediatrician for antibiotic injections (each visit) because he actually got worse as the week went on. The worst part about it was how much he cried. Jackson never cries. He is the toughest most resilient child I’ve ever met. He is a trouper. These multiple illnesses, however, really kicked our little man’s butt. He cried every day this week for nearly the entire day and some of the night. Oh, and I forgot to mention he is cutting eight teeth, four of which are molars.

You’re probably wondering why I’ve given so much detail about Jackson’s illnesses. Jackson’s illnesses aren’t really the topic here but I needed to express how sick he is and how much pain he has endured. As a parent it is so hard to see your child hurting and in pain. You feel absolutely helpless. I looked on in pure anguish, grasping for anything that would take his mind off things and make him feel better. This week really broke my heart.

While watching Jackson endure this it dawned on me that this is how our Heavenly Father feels when we endure hardship, suffering and pain. I only have two children to worry about and fret over. God has 6.8 billion people to worry about. Wrap your head around that number. Can you even imagine for a minute the overwhelming sadness and grief God feels in watching us endure our trials and tribulations? Our God is a merciful and loving God who wants only the best for us in life. He never wants to see us suffer. This epiphany reinforced to me that I am never alone in my suffering. I am never alone in my pain. I am never alone in my sadness. God is right here with me and to quote the final stanza of Mary Stevenson’s immortal Footprints in the Sand poem, "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you."

Thank you, Father God, for your pure and perfect love. Thank you for your grace and mercy fresh and anew each day. Thank you for your faithfulness and for never giving up on me. I love you.

Here's to You

2010-02-26T14:41:00.002-05:00

We are made in God’s image and therefore, inhabited by His Spirit. Hence our interpersonal relationships are sacred—or at least they should be sacred. Sadly this isn’t always the case.

I don’t know about you, but I’m easily tripped up by the day-to-day machinations of life. I get so caught up in “doing” that I tend to gloss over the important things. By important things I’m referring to people (family, friends, neighbors) in my life. I’m continually blessed by people through kind words, actions and offers to do things for me and my family—things I’m deeply appreciative of. But I can’t help but wonder if I truly convey my gratitude to people for what they do for me.

I fear I may treat people too casually. It’s certainly not because I don’t appreciate them. On the contrary, I am extremely grateful for my family and friends. My problem lies in the fact that I’m usually in ten places at once in a figurative sense. My mind is always racing ahead to the next thing I need to accomplish (or worse yet, reflecting on what I didn’t accomplish). I’m not only guilty of this while performing mundane tasks such as driving, grocery shopping, office work, housework, etc., but I also commit this grievous affront while communicating with people—in person, on the telephone or via correspondence. I’m seldom 100% present, and this is a tragedy.

That said, I hereby avow to stop this nonsense and to be a better wife, mother, daughter, cousin, friend. From here on out I intend to affirm others as my Heavenly Father constantly affirms me and to fully convey my appreciation and gratitude for each and every person in my life. My friendships are sacred and I want each and every family member and friend to know just how much they mean to me. I want my relationships to be a direct reflection of God’s holy nature that lies within me.

Romans 12:10

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Build a Bridge

2010-02-16T12:30:00.001-05:00

People today are hungry for love, which is the only answer to loneliness and great poverty. In some countries there is no hunger for bread. But people are suffering from terrible loneliness, terrible despair, terrible hatred, feeling unwanted, helpless, hopeless. They have forgotten how to smile, they have forgotten the beauty of the human touch. They are forgetting what is human love. They need someone who will understand and respect them.

Mother Teresa

Build a bridge. Get over it. I confess. I’ve uttered this phrase once or twice (or a dozen times). I’m not proud of that. I can tell you that when I’ve spoken these words, patience, understanding and compassion were far from my heart—even if I said them in (sardonic) jest. I can also tell you looking back I don’t really like the person I am when I call forth less than compassionate statements such as this. But does that stop me from doing it? No. Frustration is at times a byproduct of life—at least my life.

Truth be told though I would much rather build a spiritual bridge than a sarcastic bridge. I’ve written previously of my desire to be salt in a bland, hurting world; a light in the midst of darkness. This can only be accomplished by leading a lifestyle of faith as demonstrated by my conduct, speech and compassion for others. Simply put, my daily quest must be to live a righteous life, pleasing to God. After all, as a Christ follower there should be some resemblance of Jesus in me—a clear correspondence between HIS life and mine, don’t you think? My wholehearted desire is for my faith to result in works—not based on works mind you—works that are a tangible, living expression of the fruit of the Spirit—love, peace, patience, kindness, self-control, joy, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness.

Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, to all the people you can, in all the places you can, as long as you can.

John Wesley

Our hurting world needs evidence of God, now more than ever. Therefore, it is up to us—you and me—to demonstrate His power. This is easier said than done. Like everyone who has walked the face of this earth, with the exception of Jesus Christ of course, I am a sinner. I struggle daily to walk the walk as an ambassador of Christ. I try desperately to lead a life of integrity, compassion and peace. I know I can’t accomplish this on my own. I must be dependent on God for His wisdom, guidance and strength. I pray every day for His Holy Spirit to work within me, to mold me into His likeness, so I can live a life that is pleasing to Him.

Isaiah 64:8

8 Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.

After all, we—you and me—are the earthbound display of God’s glory. When He calls us into a love relationship with Him, He calls us to be like Him.

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to begin construction on a spiritual bridge or two today. Next door, down the block, across town, in my own family, halfway around the world, there are so many people and places in need of bridges. I better get to work!

Clash of the Titans

2010-02-08T21:22:00.002-05:00

id n. - In Freudian theory, the division of the psyche that is totally unconscious and serves as the source of instinctual impulses and demands for immediate satisfaction of primitive needs.

ego n. - 1. The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves. 2. In psychoanalysis, the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality.

mer•cy n. pl. mer•cies
1. Compassionate treatment, especially of those under one's power; clemency.
2. A disposition to be kind and forgiving
3. Something for which to be thankful; a blessing
4. Alleviation of distress; relief

Id, ego and mercy—three small words comprised of between two to five letters each. The first two words are related in nature. The third word, mercy, might as well reside in another universe. Yet all three words have great importance in our household at present.

Master Jackson has learned the fine art of temper tantrums. At only 15 months of age I think he’s a little ahead of the game, but then again he is a toddler and toddlers lack inhibitions and control. As an adult, however, I am supposed to exhibit self-control, two-fold actually—enough for both of us. Some days this is easier said than done.

Master Jackson is not a laid-back, chill kind of child. He is extremely inquisitive and always on the move. He has been like this since the day we arrived home from Ethiopia. The child has always needed to be in constant motion, and this usually means in my arms. Not necessarily because he enjoys my company, mind you, but because I do more interesting things than he does. Being in my arms gives him a much better vantage point from which to explore the world. Realistically though he simply cannot be in my arms 24/7. I have things I need to accomplish (work for Bella Group, laundry, dishes, making meals, cleaning…) but Master Jackson can’t comprehend this. Combine this fact with Master Jackson’s attempt to conquer his world and you have the potential for a short-fuse at any given time. Master Jackson is not an exception in this respect. Simply put, when he doesn’t get what he wants, he turns to one of the only tools at his disposal for venting frustration—a tantrum.

Sounds like I have it all figured out, right? Sounds like there should be an easy solution to keeping the titans in their respective corners, right? Wrong! Master Jackson’s tantrums are just the tip of the iceberg. Not only do you have Master Jackson and his newfound knack for pitching a fit when the wind changes direction, but you also have the strong personalities of Bobbie and Greg to add to the mix. As mentioned above, Greg and I as adults have the ability to control our impulses. That does not mean, however, that we do not feel frustration and irritation. Yes, as adults with very real pressures and problems we sometimes have short fuses ourselves—with each other, neighbors, store clerks, our employees, people who share the roadways with us. The list goes on and on. And did I mention strong personalities? Ah, yes. Classic Type A personalities.

Wow! That is not a very pretty description of Greg and I, now is it? It makes us sound downright mean spirited. Guess what—sometimes we are. We can be impatient with and unkind toward each other. That leaves me feeling pretty lousy about myself and I bet Greg would say the same. God expects more from us and He spells it out very clearly in His Word.

Proverbs 15:18
18 A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.

Ecclesiastes 7:8-9
8 The end of a matter is better than its beginning,
and patience is better than pride.
9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit,
for anger resides in the lap of fools.

Romans 12:7-9
7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully. 9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

The good news is that through prayer we can ultimately use our powers for good. Through prayer I can ask God to impart in me the same mercy and grace He extended to us through the death and resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Through prayer I can ask God for His wisdom and patience which, by the way, are right in front of me through the Holy Spirit who is always with me. I just have to check my ego at the door first. And when I fall short of God’s expectations for me, let’s not forget that through prayer I can confess my sins and He will forgive me, far more readily than I forgive myself.

The irony of the whole toddler/tantrum dilemma is that Master Jackson throws tantrums because he wants independence and control over his environment. Master Jackson and I engage in power struggles because he thinks he is more capable of doing things for himself than he really is. When faced with boundaries and realizing his limits, the stage is set for a tantrum. When I on the other hand realize I can’t do things on my own, forego my own independence and turn things over to God my life is so much better. There is a calmness that comes over me, my family—our entire little corner of the world when I’m no longer trying to stuff a square peg in a round hole. Boy do I look forward to the day when Jackson gains this insight. I know that’s a long way off and until then I’m going to continue to breathe in and breathe out and remember that at only five letters long the word mercy is a much bigger word than either id or ego.

Laughter Really is the Best Medicine

2010-02-06T09:03:00.002-05:00

My husband is one of the funniest people I know. The man can make me laugh at the drop of a hat, and at the most inappropriate times. More importantly he can make me laugh at times when it is most needed—when I’m stressed, angry or sad. He is truly a spirit lifter, not only for me but for everyone he meets.

The last few evenings Greg has been on a roll. Seriously. He has had me in side-splitting laughter—especially just before bedtime. I’ve had to tell him, “Enough already! I’ve got to get up in the morning.” I truly adore his sense of humor though. It is one of things I love most about him. Who doesn’t want to laugh? And I am blessed to laugh a lot.

The following are a few benefits we as humans reap from laughter.

• Laughter Activates the Immune System
• Laughter Decreases "Stress" Hormones
• Muscle Relaxation
• Reduction of Stress Hormones Immune System Enhancement
• Pain Reduction
• Cardiac Exercise
• Lowers Blood Pressure/Prevents Hypertension
• Enhances Respiration

So I want to thank you, honey, for all of the wonderful physical benefits I gain from your antics. Keep up the great work! At this rate I just may live to be 100. But just remember, I’ve always told you to think of our marriage as a life sentence. I’m not going anywhere. So the longer you keep me on this earth, the longer I’m going to nag you about picking up your belongings around the house and putting your dishes in the dishwasher.

Let Your Light Shine

2010-02-04T14:55:00.000-05:00

January 2010 was one of the longest months of my life. The New Year started off with many challenges for the DuBose family. They are not unique or new challenges mind you, but rather the exact same challenges most (if not all) of you are facing in one way or another at present. Life is not without trouble. Simply put, we live in a fallen world and as inhabitants of this fallen world we all experience the exact same things at varying degrees at different times. What I don’t like, however, is how I’ve let these challenges take over my life and steal my joy as of late. And what bugs me even more is that I facilitate the joy-stealing.

I ardently try to be optimistic at all times. After all, I have great frames of reference to reflect upon. In tribute to Martin Luther King, Jr. Day I recently heard excerpts of one of Dr. King’s most famous speeches. In this speech he states, “Because I’ve been to the mountaintop.” I can relate. I too have been to the mountaintop, but I’ve also been to lowest of valleys. I’ve been to the bottom of the pit where I never thought I would (or wanted to) see the light of day again. Through the grace of God though, when I’m struggling with something, I climb back up to the top of the mountain because the view is so much better there. Admittedly, however, I’ve had a hard time doing that over the past couple of weeks, but not for lack of effort.

I’ve prayed hard for God’s divine intervention in the situations we’re facing. I’ve read scripture.

Luke 12:6-7
6Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 7Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

John 14:1
1"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.

I’ve participated in a fast as a recommitment to the LORD. I just finished reading Max Lucado’s Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear. Yet despite all the effort I’ve exerted I’m still mired down in the “what ifs”.

This morning I decided to try a different tack. Today I asked God to let me be a light to people. I implored Jesus to live in my heart and to let his love and light shine through me onto everyone I came in contact with—especially the two people that live within these four walls with me. I prayed that God would let me be present in all things—in reading Jackson stories, at mealtime, at bath time, in the grocery store, during walks in the neighborhood. Experience tells me that being present can make or break someone’s day. We have no idea what the person standing next to us is going through. Holding a door, or offering a kind word or smile may be the only kind gesture or human contact that person experiences today. I admit, I have been so preoccupied with the pesky “what ifs” lately that I’ve been very poor company for everyone.

Shortly after I prayed these prayers I saw a photo on Facebook of someone I vaguely know. Actually we would have been related in a roundabout way if not for a divorce that happened along the way. To make a long story short, I sent this person a message on Facebook, telling her how heartwarming it was to see her obvious commitment to family and wishing her well. She wrote back with a very similar and lovely statement about me. So in this very brief period of time my prayer was answered. Jesus projected his light onto someone through me and in turn he reflected that light right back on me, boosting my spirits and putting a smile on my face. That one reflection of light has allowed me to spend the rest of the day basking in the “what I haves” as opposed to the “what ifs”. Thank you, Jesus! Thank you for your grace and mercy. It is indeed enough.

Matthew 5:14-16
14"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Purpose

2010-01-29T15:19:00.005-05:00

Do you ever wonder what your purpose is in life? If do. I find myself pondering that question a lot. I always have. For many years I sat, spinning my wheels, knowing there was a greater purpose for me than whatever it was I was doing.

That changed in my early thirties when I was called into an intimate love relationship with Jesus Christ. From that point forward I stopped searching and started knowing. Knowing I was part of a much bigger picture. Knowing I was forgiven and loved despite a lifetime overflowing with mistakes. Knowing there was (the ultimate) someone (GOD) who wanted much greater things for me than I had ever given myself or even dreamt of pursuing. But my life’s quest didn’t end there. I wasn’t “complete” and I knew it.

For years I've prayed for God to use me in some way—any way. In the beginning, in my new “born again” state, I felt like a player suited up for a game, sitting on the sidelines chomping at the bit, waiting for the coach to put me in the game. Initially I felt as if my unanswered prayers were falling on deaf ears, but undeterred I've continued to pray this same prayer nearly every day over the years. At first I didn't understand why God wasn’t calling me to some greater purpose. I wasn’t frustrated by this. I merely didn’t get why he wasn’t utilizing me. But in fast-forwarding a decade and a half to the present I now understand why God didn’t put me “in the game”. Simply put, I wasn’t ready to play. I had so much training and conditioning to do. Calling me into service back then would’ve been the equivalent of sending a baby to the Whitehouse to serve as President of the United States. I had so much to learn. And still do.

The layers are slowly being peeled away and I can feel the work God is doing in my life. I still haven’t been called into action, but I know in my heart that God is putting a plan together for me. I can feel it. After some great prayer time early this morning I asked my husband where he saw himself in five years. His first answer was, “My eyes aren’t even open yet, Bob.” However, trouper that he is, after a minute or so he gave me his answer. It was a very practical and honest answer—out of debt, still in business for ourselves but headed down a different avenue with a more streamlined approach to business. I appreciate his candor but I see greater things in store for him than that and that’s saying something. My husband is a dreamer of big dreams. That’s one of the (many) things I’ve always loved about him. He has never put parameters around his life goals. I know God has wondrous things in store for him. I see them unfolding every day and it’s a beautiful sight to behold.

I’m not sure where I see myself in the coming years. I’m feeling a possible pull toward the mission field. After our trip to Ethiopia last year I could definitely see myself immersed in mission work. I can honestly say that at nearly 46 years of age I have absolutely no attachment to any material object. Not our house. Not the clothing on my back. Just God and my family. Of course I relish the comforts of life. I think we have the most comfortable bed in the world. And a hot shower? Few things in life are better. Oh, and clean water? After traveling to Ethiopia I have an entirely new appreciation for water. But could I leave it all behind? I think so. Until then though, I’m going to sit here on the sidelines in my uniform and helmet, waiting for the coach’s signal. Rest assured though that when he gives me the nod, I’ll be ready. After all, I’ve been trained and conditioned by the best.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Paralyzed with Sadness

2010-01-23T14:04:00.000-05:00

I have been filled with a deep sense of sadness since the January 12th earthquake devastated Haiti’s Port-Au-Prince region. This sadness in turn has left me somewhat paralyzed. Throughout the day (and sometimes night) my thoughts turn to the people worldwide affected by this disaster. It’s been 11 days and I still have a hard time grasping the full physical meaning of what has happened and continues to unfold there. I see the images on television, in the newspaper and on the internet. I don’t let myself “obsess” with news of the happenings as I’ve done in the past. I learned from 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina that it’s easy to be pulled into the media coverage and how you suffer mentally and physically from allowing that happen. While I’ve “safely” observed this tragedy, it hasn’t lessened the sorrow, shock, disbelief and sense of helplessness I feel.

Don’t get me wrong. The one thing I don’t have is a sense of hopelessness. I know our LORD ALMIGHTY is sovereign over this event and will continue to be sovereign over every single thing that happens in this fallen world. But I, as a living, breathing and deeply feeling human being, want to do something—anything. However, I feel completely and utterly useless in helping to make a difference in this situation. Yes, we’ve donated to the disaster relief through our church, but honestly what impact will our meager donation have overall? This is a question I’ve been wrestling with. For 11 days I’ve been figuratively paralyzed with the words of 16th century martyr John Bradford running through my mind, “'There, but for the grace of God, go…”

I so desperately want to make a difference. I want to go to Haiti and move bricks and rubble and serve water and food and wipe tears. I want to hold hands and rock babies and comfort those in need. But I can’t. And the meager amount we’ve given as permitted by our present budget just doesn’t seem like enough. And when you look at Haiti as a whole, what would be enough? Poverty, hunger, lack of medical care and despair are not new to Haiti nor are these statistics unique to other undeveloped nations. According to a relatively recent United Nations Human Development Report, prior to the January 12th earthquake, nearly 80 percent of Haiti’s population lived in poverty, with roughly 72 percent living on less than two dollars per day. The same report cites 78 percent of Ethiopian citizens living on less than two dollars per day, which was one of the many reasons we chose to adopt a child from Ethiopia.

So what is my point in all of this? I’m not sure. I know I desperately want to rescue the world. My compassionate heart continues to grow, apparently commensurate with my age. The older I get, the more pressing it becomes for me to make a difference. I guess that’s why I wanted to adopt a child at my “advanced” age. I’ve had many people make the incorrect assumption that I did it for Greg’s sake. Nothing could be further from the truth. Last night a woman I had just met boldly asked me that very question. Truth be told, I’d adopt as many children as I could physically care for, but there is a little thing called “money” that stands in the way of this. I have a definite and huge tug on my heartstrings to adopt at least one, possibly two, more child(ren). At present not everyone in our household is on board with this, and that’s understandable.

Sometimes I ponder the question, “If I were granted one wish what would it be?” My answer always vacillates back and forth between wiping out poverty and abolishing loneliness. Removing one from the planet won’t ease the other one. So which is more important? See—this is how easy it is (at least for me) to get caught up in a sense of uselessness. Even if you had the ultimate power to change the world by removing one of its most pressing issues it’s still not enough to wash away its woes. How crazy is that? So what am I personally going to do about it? Well, for starters I’m going to keep on praying: praying for everyone to accept Jesus as their LORD and Savior, that the sick and hurting are cared for, the hungry are fed, the lonely are comforted, babies and children find loving homes, racism and hatred are wiped from the face of the earth, that everyone has enough… Please dear LORD, let there be enough—especially for our brothers and sisters in Haiti.

It is Better to Give Than to Receive

2009-12-10T10:46:00.004-05:00

J-man and I had a very busy day yesterday. First we donated a couple of items to our favorite local no-kill animal shelter, Safe Harbor. (Our dog, Bella, is an alumnus.) Then it was off to Wal-Mart for a whirlwind shopping trip. There are many causes we typically support at Christmastime and hubby and I agreed to amp up the giving this year because so many people are really struggling financially. Don’t get me wrong. This year has been a very challenging year for us financially. Business is down but God is faithful and continues to bring clients and work in our doors. This is more than we can say for many people. Therefore, we really feel the need to share this year. In an effort to accomplish this we’ve decided we’re not going to exchange gifts with each other this year. I can only speak for myself, but honestly there is nothing I need. Now want, well that’s a different story, but if 2009 has taught us anything it is that our wants are definitely NOT needs. On a funny aside, I had an epiphany the other day while walking through a craft store. The song All I Want for Christmas is You was broadcasting over the store speakers and I was singing along aloud to J-man who was chilling in his Peanut Shell. As I looked down at him singing the refrain it dawned on me that those exact words would’ve been flowing from my lips last Christmas as we awaited our referral. I smiled from ear to ear knowing nothing could be closer to the truth. I got everything I wanted for Christmas and it was delivered EARLY this year.

Yesterday my heart was light as I selected a couple of pairs of jeans, shirts, socks and underwear for a young man we’re “sponsoring” through our church, Maranatha, this Christmas. We also picked up a wagon and a huge bag of building blocks for a baby we’re sponsoring through our company for a toy drive facilitated by one of our clients. This year we elected to sponsor just one child in each charity as opposed to two or three, but we’re going above and beyond for each child as our finances permit in an effort to make it a special Christmas for them. Our final purchases yesterday were items for New Life Nicaragua, an orphanage in Managua. This charity is near and dear to my heart for obvious reasons. New Life houses infants and children that are seriously malnourished. Our church is seeking donations of over-the-counter medications and vitamins, cloth diapers and small toys for infants at the orphanage as well as monetary contributions.

I have two more tasks remaining on my to-do list. Saturday I will purchase food items for a food bank our church houses. It goes without saying that the need is great this year for families requiring assistance to simply put food on the table. We will purchase the components for two entire meals—including whole chickens. My final goal is to find a person or family who can benefit from large ticket gently-used toys Jackson has already outgrown. The ideal person would be a single mother. Since I was once that person, I know what it means to be blessed with toys for a child. When you’re struggling to merely survive (pay rent, utilities and put food on the table) Christmas is something you’d rather not think about. After posting this entry I’m off to make some phone calls to find this person or people. Today as I embark on my quest to find someone who will benefit from these toys I’m going to reflect on these words of Mother Teresa:

“Today, more and ever, we need to pray for the light to know the will of God…
for the love to accept the will of God… for the way to do the will of God…”

I challenge you to do the same. You’ll experience Christmas in an entirely new light. I gave an in depth detail of our giving, not to glorify what we’re doing, but to illustrate that it doesn’t take a lot to be a blessing to someone. Boys’ polo shirts and jeans at Wal-Mart: $7 and $15/each respectively; building blocks (HUGE bag): $15; OTC meds/vitamins: $3 to $8 (plus you can clip coupons for them); groceries: nominal (look for BOGO); donating GENTLY-used toys: nothing-nada-zip. You don’t have to donate major bucks to make a difference. ANYTHING YOU DO will make a difference. Go ahead—BE THE DIFFERENCE!

A Change of Tone and Praise

2009-12-08T07:59:00.002-05:00

Obviously I’ve posted little since returning home with Jackson. Frankly I just don’t have time, but I’ve also decided to keep our family life private. The internet has made it commonplace to share everything and anything about our lives; however, I’m not comfortable sharing Jackson’s life. This is my own personal decision.

That said there are times that I’ve thought about sharing thoughts I’ve had or things I’ve read, but that would mean changing the tone of my blog. The blog was initially established to share my personal journey in our adoption. Now that our adoption is complete, I’m putting the “Ethiopian adoption” aspect of this blog to rest. Hopefully I will find time to post things on here as they are laid upon my heart or pop into my mind. If someone benefits from it, that’s great. But the real reason for the blog from this point forward is merely to share.

Today I feel the need to worship. I feel the need to praise our awesome and wonderful LORD for his faithfulness, goodness and mercy. He is a truly merciful God who loves me despite my many blatant shortcomings. He blesses me time and again, each and every moment of the day and he is truly worthy of my praise. I can’t think of a more appropriate offering of praise than the following Psalm. It says it all. I hope anyone who happens to read this is as blessed as I am by King David’s writing. I want to shout this from the rooftop!

Psalm 145
A psalm of praise. Of David.
1 [a] I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
2 Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.
3 Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
4 One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.
5 They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works. [b]
6 They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
7 They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.
8 The LORD is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
9 The LORD is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.
10 All you have made will praise you, O LORD;
your saints will extol you.
11 They will tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might,
12 so that all men may know of your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.
The LORD is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made. [c]
14 The LORD upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
15 The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.
16 You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
17 The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and loving toward all he has made.
18 The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
20 The LORD watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
21 My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.

May you be blessed today and perhaps even be moved to take a moment to offer up your own prayer of praise and thanksgiving for the innumerable blessings and wondrous works God bestows upon you each and every day.

September 11

2009-09-11T09:12:00.004-04:00

911 has a profound affect on me each year. As a former flight attendant who worked an early morning flight out of Boston’s Logan International Airport September 11, 2001, it is suffice to say I will never forget where I was that day. Our plane had flown over The Pentagon just moments before American Airlines flight 77 struck the building. Our first officer actually commented, telling passengers to look out the left side of the aircraft for a clear view of The Pentagon on the clear September morning.

I spent the following three days sequestered at a hotel in Lake City, Florida, after a government-ordered emergency landing. I spent those three days sitting at the foot of my bed, watching the news coverage over and over again, crying until I made myself sick.

In the years that have followed I still try, albeit unsuccessfully, to make sense of that day. Eight years later, I am no closer to understanding the evil that perpetrated these attacks on innocent people. That said, I was directed to the following scripture by the Holy Sprit this morning. I experienced a profound sense of peace in reading it.

Psalm 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; and his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—even the LORD, who is my refuge—
10 Then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

Life With Jackson

2009-07-03T10:28:00.000-04:00

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Where Does the Time Go?

2009-07-02T18:21:00.004-04:00

Wow! Where does the time go? It's been over one month since I last posted an entry. It's not for lack of desire, but for sheer lack of time. I am working (albeit from home) every hour during the day that Jackson is asleep. That leaves early mornings, evenings and weekends for housework, laundry/ironing, shopping and family time and absolutely zero time for blogging or even Facebook for that matter. It's as if I've dropped off the radar. If it isn't a mobile upload on the fly then sadly I don't get to it.

Things are absolutely great here in the DuBose household. We've settled into a wonderfully comfortable rhythm (sleep deprivation aside). Jackson is such a joy and we are having so much fun! He still isn't sleeping through the night, but I don't feel as bad in a physical sense as I thought I would. He is usually up for an hour to an hour and a half, usually waking at two. He is just not a sleeper. He takes a couple of naps during the day which recharge his batteries and then gets what must be ample sleep for his internal clock because he is up and raring to go in the best of moods each morning. When Jackson does sleep through the night our day begins in full force at five a.m. It's a very good thing I'm a morning person! I will be sad to see the end of my Ethiopian coffee. I'm sad to say only two pounds remain.

Jackson is up to nineteen pounds. That's a far cry from the eleven pound baby we brought home from Ethiopia two and a half months ago. He LOVES to eat! Jackson also has six teeth at present. The two front teeth on the bottom were the first to arrive. The four top teeth (front and eye teeth) all popped in the past week. Yep! They are popping like beautiful, white kernels of popcorn! This extreme teething may well be contributing to his sleeplessness, but it has not affected his jolly mood in the least. He is so much fun!

Jackson is also scooting backward on his belly for very long distances and trying very hard to talk. His first word will most likely begin with either a "c" or "g" because he says these consonants over and over in rapid fire succession throughout the day. He is fascinated with our dogs and Gunnar is his shadow, so perhaps "Gunnar" will be his first word. Jackson has also learned how to scream--loudly. He screams just for the heck of it. He cracks himself up. He'll scream, look at you and then smile and/or laugh. And then he does it all over again. He's a riot!

In my "downtime" I've been working on the re-adoption process we must go through in this country. The United States does not recognize the Ethiopian courts so we must go through the arduous and somewhat expensive process of a stateside adoption. All states are different. We are lucky that Florida does not require an attorney so I am attempting to do this myself. It has been a challenge to say the least because there are no written instructions, rules, regulations, guidelines, requirements, etc. A family from central Florida who adopted from Ethiopia last year was kind enough to share some of their document templates and links to government documents to be filed but I had to make yet another trip to the courthouse this morning (my second this week) to provide another batch of information/documentation. It wouldn't be bad if you could ask someone a question and get a straightforward answer, but they will not answer not even the most basic question at the courthouse. Their pat reply is that they are unable to provide legal advice, even if it is not legal advice you are seeking, but rather simple direction or clarification. Not to mention the fact that we received someone else's request for additional information in the mail which I had to PERSONALLY return to the courthouse in order to receive OUR request for additional information! It's frustrating.

Also in my downtime I've been preparing our three-month post placement report. The Ethiopian government requires follow-up reports from adoptive families and social worker visits three times in the first year and every year thereafter until the child reaches 18 years of age. This also requires documentation and legwork.

So perhaps you're beginning to see the picture as to why I have so little time to blog. And I really, really miss it. It's not only a great way to document the goings on in our/my life, but has proven to be a wonderful means by which to sort my thoughts as I write. I keep thinking it's going to get better; that there will miraculously be more hours in my day tomorrow, but that has yet to happen. I'm just thankful I was able to get photos uploaded to Facebook today. Yea! It's the little victories that mean so much!

Oh well, I'm going to go wake my sleeping baby. Don't want that nap to be too long...

Until next time...

Hakuna Matata

2009-05-27T21:40:00.000-04:00

Jackson had his one-month (or six- month, depending on how you look at it) pediatrician visit today. To say he is doing good just might be the greatest understatement of the year. He has gained nearly four pounds in one month. That’s the difference a high-protein diet makes.

As noted in an earlier post, Jackson has gone from looking like a frail infant to a healthy, robust baby. The gain in strength alone is amazing to me. When I look at his girth I find it hard to believe this is the same baby we met April 13th in Africa. His weight has gone from the less than five percentile to the 25th percentile on the (American) chart for a normal male infant. And his height is right in the normal range. This is amazing!

Additionally, I really feel as if we’ve turned a corner this week in attachment and bonding. I really feel as if Jackson has finally learned he can truly trust us to be there from moment to moment to care for him. For the first four weeks of our lives together I felt as if he was holding back somewhat. He was very quick to cry at every turn but now sheds very few tears during the course of the day. He is such a joy to be around. He makes me laugh and laugh—all-day-long. I just love being around him. He makes life make sense.

Hakuna matata, friends. Hakuna matata…

Happy Six-Month Birthday, Jackson!

2009-05-21T21:02:00.003-04:00

Today is Jackson’s six-month birthday. It’s almost hard for me to imagine because he was only seven weeks old when we received our referral. It’s hard to believe three months have passed since that day. I remember the telephone call as if it were yesterday.

Jackson has changed so much since meeting him five weeks ago. When we met him he was a tiny, fragile, dazed little sprite. Now he is robust with a big roly-poly belly and chubby legs. He is amazingly strong in my opinion. He is learning to sit up on his own and loves to stand erect on his own two legs. I yell, “Hurray!” and he just laughs and laughs. When we met him he was incapable of grasping anything but one of our fingers. Now he grabs anything within reach. One thing he definitely does not like, however, is “tummy time”. He hates to be on his belly and I can’t blame him. He has virtually no strength if you place him face-down. But he does just fine if we’re reclining and he is laying face-down on our chest. He has plenty of arm strength to lift himself up and backward, looking all around.

Another thing I must comment on is the attention Jackson garners when we’re out in public. I’m going to have to add thirty minutes to my anticipated shopping excursions because everyone stops us to talk to him and comment on how big his eyes are and how beautiful he (she—which is what people actually call him) is. And it’s true. He is all of those things: charming and beautiful with these huge, lovely eyes that absorb every detail of every possible thing in his line of vision. Sometimes in our quiet moments I get lost for long periods of time just watching him observe the world around him. He has a look of utter surprise as his head turns 180 degrees right to left and 90 degrees straight up to the ceiling. I would LOVE to possess that innocence and be that fascinated by the world around me. What a beautiful space to be in.

Greg and I still cannot believe he is here—in our home, in our lives, in our arms, in our hearts. The process of adoption is fraught with so many ups and down and unforeseen obstacles and delays that it sometimes seemed like we would never have a baby. But he is here. And he is ours. And he is lovely. And his name is Jackson and he is six months old today.

Happy birthday, my beautiful son, and here’s to many, many happy returns. I love you.

A babe in the house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger of peace and love, a resting place for innocence on earth, a link between angels and men.

Martin Farquhar Tupper
(British poet, 1810-1889)

One Month

2009-05-19T22:31:00.007-04:00

Well, we’ve been home with Jackson for one month and what a month it’s been. We’ve had many adjustments to make, but I honestly I can’t imagine life in this house without him. Having Jackson here is as natural as breathing.

Having an infant can best be summarized by this thought. Want to forget the rest of the world? Have a baby. Seriously. Want to forget about the economy and the state of the world, global warming, swine flu, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, getting older, crow’s feet and belly fat? Have a baby. With a baby in the house, nothing else matters except snuggling, feeding time, nap time, bath time and dirty diapers. Nothing. And I’m okay with that. It’s a welcome mental vacation!

I am overwhelmed by the support we’ve received from friends and family. The cards, emails, visitors, telephone calls, food and gifts have literally poured in here. We are so blessed to have so much support. It has helped to alleviate the sorrow I feel in not having family in close proximity.

The past month has not been without challenges. The greatest of which was getting Jackson’s internal clock set to our time zone. Our nights were his days and vice versa. Thankfully that did not take nearly as long as I had anticipated. He sleeps through the night most nights. I’m actually getting more sleep now than I have in years.

I just completed the required one-month post-placement report and am trying desperately to find information on the re-adoption process for the State of Florida. The former was easy. Almost each answer was “Great”. The latter is causing me angst. According to my online searches we do not need to hire an attorney but I cannot find anyone who can give me direction. I even went to the court house today to inquire (which is another story in and of itself) but got absolutely nowhere. Ugh!

Jackson’s smooth transition isn’t the only great thing happening in our lives. Wonderful things are happening in daughter Brittany’s (and hubby Mike’s) life too. She begins grad school in just a few weeks. They are in the process of packing up and moving quite a distance to begin the next phase of their lives. I am so very proud of her and am honored to be her mother. She is an amazing individual who has so many wonderful things ahead of her.

Before I sign off (gotta sleep while the baby’s sleepin’) I want to share a few verses from 1 Chronicles that have been floating in my head since last week. I’m still trying to read through the Old Testament, but it is now a struggle. I am firmly a month behind in my reading but I believe it’s better to be a month behind than to not be reading at all. I’ve written about my love for King David in previous posts. He was so perfectly human and perfectly flawed yet was chosen by God above all others to do great things. David’s heart is what mattered to God. Oh, how I would love to be as full of faith, humble and God-focused as David.

This scripture speaks to me of Jackson and how eternally thankful I am to God for blessing us with this precious baby. If I could only offer up one Psalm of Thanks to God in heaven for this blessing it would be this.

David’s Psalm of Thanks

1 Chronicles 16:8-12

"Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice. Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced.”

I hope to be back here soon. Until then, blessings, peace, love and gratitude to all.

The Rythym of Life

2009-04-24T08:39:00.003-04:00

The past two days have been a dream. Jackson seems to have settled into a routine (once we got past the nasty doctor visit). Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. But since this isn't my first ride on the merry-go-round, I'm taking it day by day.

Jackson slept for nine hours again last night. That's two nights in a row. He woke up at six o'clock both mornings, took a bottle and we went outside to smell the jasmine and gardenias. Jackson loves to be outside. He looks around in wonder at the trees and sky. I just love watching him watch everything.

He went for a stroll around the neighborhood with papa so mama could get a shower and get dressed. Jackson has trained us well in such a short period of time. We know to get while the gettin' is good! He is lying in his crib at the moment, just cooing, giggling and panting. I LOVE listening to him. It is music to my ears. It will be time for another bottle in about fifteen minutes (if he stays true to his schedule). Rest assured he will let me know if it's time.

I think mama and Jackson are going to make a trip to the medical express clinic today. My regular D.O. is not in on Fridays and I fear I have an infection in my eye. A mother we traveled with noted yesterday that her son was diagnosed with a bacterial infection in his eye and I just might have the same. I've been sick since Thursday of last week and wonder if this is all tied together. I have a terrible cough and congestion in my chest which takes me at least an hour to clear in the morning. We'll see. I hate to take Jackson to a sick clinic, but papa has to go to work to earn the dough. I confess, I thought I'd be able to do a little work from home myself this week, but it is much more difficult than I ever anticipated. There is very little down time with Jackson. As a matter of fact, this respite (with him in the crib) is a rarity that I am fully enjoying. It's the best of all worlds. A few minutes to myself while listening to my sweet baby's voice. He is absolutely precious!

Epiphany

2009-04-23T10:54:00.004-04:00

I spent months with a cell phone glued to my hand, not allowing it out of my sight while waiting for a telephone call announcing our referral. Now I spend my days with a baby monitor glued to my hand awaiting the sweet stirrings of Jackson in his crib. I like the baby monitor much better!

Home, Safe and Sound

2009-04-21T07:20:00.009-04:00

Well, here we are home safe and sound replete with all the activity associated with an infant. We made it home safely Saturday evening and let me just say the BTDT people did not exaggerate their warnings for jet lag. Greg and I suffered greatly (and still are to some degree) from jet lag. That said, I can only imagine how hard it is for Jackson. Our internal clocks were only reset for ten days. Imagine poor little Jackson who has been on Africa time for his entire five months of life. I can’t say the adjustment has been easy. Jackson is a very high-maintenance baby. This may also be due to the fact that he has some type of infection (I presume) in his chest, sinuses and possibly ears. He has no fever, but a strong, rattle-like cough that has gotten worse since we’ve been home. Additionally, his tummy is so bloated with what I presume is gas, that I swear it’s going to explode! We have our first pediatrician appointment scheduled for tomorrow and I cannot wait to get there!

He is on an extremely tight feeding schedule of every three hours. Once in a blue moon we can stretch it to four during the night, but not often. It’s pretty firm at three hours and there is no way around it. When hungry, Jackson screams at the top of his lungs until you put that bottle into his mouth. I had expected it to be trying, and I have not been disappointed in my expectations.

To top it all off, Greg and I are both sick. My throat became scratchy Thursday of last week, but I was optimistically hoping it was from the dense smog we had been driving through for hours throughout the day. It worsened somewhat Friday and by the time we got to the airport Friday night I was pretty miserable. Our flight, scheduled to depart at 10:15 PM Ethiopia time, didn’t actually take off until nearly 1:00 AM Saturday morning. During the six hours of travel to the airport and waiting at the airport I deteriorated rapidly. But the time we got on the plane (11:15) I had a fever, severe body aches, chills and a pretty bad sore throat. Twenty-seven hours of flying was absolutely miserable. Here it is Tuesday morning and I still have a severe sore throat and no voice at all. I cannot even say Jackson’s name aloud. This makes me sad because he cannot hear me tell him how much I love him. Needless to say, Greg now has the sore throat and fever so he’s a few days behind me in whatever bug we have.

Enough about me though, let me just say that Jackson was such a trouper on the way home. We had four total legs of travel—two international and two domestic. He slept through the entire first leg and much of the second leg. The third leg? Well, let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. Our travels took us from Washington, D.C., to Atlanta and ultimately to West Palm. The aircraft from D.C. to Atlanta was a smaller plane that never really cleared the 10,000 foot pressure barrier and poor Jackson screamed bloody murder the entire flight. I felt bad for the entire plane, because I’m certain they heard us, but I feel much worse for poor Jackson whose ears must’ve been throbbing.

We have some adjustments to make here at the DuBose household and they are on a fast-track schedule. But it’s all good. This is what we’ve waited for, for nearly nineteen long months and firsthand experience tells me that we’ll be through this phase before you know it. Until then, say a little prayer that we might get at least a couple of hours of shut eye. Just because Master Jackson demands a bottle every three hours it doesn’t mean he sleeps for three hours in between. Au contraire, mon frère. Master Jackson just LOVES that hour and a half of playtime and walkabout following each feeding. Yes, my friends, we certainly have our work cut out for us.

I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

James 1:17

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above.

The Journey of a Lifetime

2009-04-12T16:17:00.001-04:00

Today was our first full day in Addis and already my life has changed forever. We began the day by heading to the top of Mount Entoto. The driver parked approximately one mile from the top and we along with the seven other early arrivals hiked to the top. It's not the typical hike one might think of. This was a hike up a paved roadway intermittently dotted with tin roof, dung-sided, one-room houses.

We were accompanied on our journey by several children and young men who served as pseudo tour guides, begging and (sometimes) pleading for money.

Our drive to the mountain showed us such great poverty that I can't even begin to put it into words. I felt so helpless. I wanted to save each and every person I saw--children, women and men. I wanted to feed them, bathe them and give them medical care. But I can't. I can't help them all.

I can begin, however, by helping one beautiful little boy named Jackson Bereket DuBose. He is but one little boy, but it and he--will make a difference.

Sent from my iPhone

The Time has Come

2009-04-09T00:14:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow we depart from West Palm Beach to travel to Africa to bring our son home. Although this adventure is nearly 19 months in the making, it still doesn’t seem real. It doesn’t seem like it’s happening. Perhaps this is exacerbated by the fact that it will only be two weeks Friday since we passed court. It has been many months of waiting followed by a punctuated HURRY-UP! Although we knew expedited travel dates were a possibility, there were still so many things to finalize. We had three different sets of potential travel dates assigned to us since January, plus two court dates. Each time I moved forward “tentatively” with things, but until you get that final “YES”, all bets are off.

So, here we are. We will leave our home tomorrow to return in 10 days with our long-awaiting addition.

We thank you all for your prayers over the past 18+ months. We ask for your continued prayers for us, for Jackson and for a safe, healthy return home. We love you all.

In HIS name,

Peace love and blessings.

Bobbie

Donations! We are blessed!

2009-04-05T15:13:00.000-04:00

This suitcase is filled with donations from our church and our
friends. It is packed to the brim! It's a huge suitcase, large enough
to hold me if I tucked into a fetal position. And it's filled! We
serve an awesome God!

The bags next to the suitcase are filled with donations for the TH
caregivers and for children. I only have enough for 40 children, 20
boys and 20 girls. And I'm sad I can't take more--space-wise or
mometarily. We are visiting two orphanages. I wish I could take
something for everyone!

Can't Sleep

2009-04-05T07:30:00.001-04:00

I am so keyed up! Saturdays and Sundays are my days to catch up on my sleep. I don’t mean sleep the day away. On weekends I look forward to getting eight hours of peaceful slumber, an additional two hours from the six to six and a half I get Monday through Friday. But this weekend, the last weekend without a little one to care for, I can’t sleep.

One week from now we will be in Ethiopia. Nine days from now we will have a baby! This baby has been nearly nineteen months in the making and the day to hold him in my arms is finally almost here. It’s funny though because I just can’t quite wrap my arms and mind around it. I’m terrified! I’m nearly as terrified as I was when I was pregnant with Brittany. The same thoughts are racing through my mind. What if I’m not a good parent? What if he gets sick? What if he stays up all night crying? Having a baby is expensive! I’m too old to be a parent, which is the opposite of what I said when carrying Brittany. The list goes on and on. But you know what, as much as I worried about all of these things, they worked out. They happened. That’s parenthood. But it was all okay.

Isn’t it ironic, however, that it’s not these thoughts that keep me up at night. It’s thoughts of I can’t wait to hold this baby. I can’t wait to love this baby. I can’t wait to care for this baby. I imagine reading to him and putting him to sleep in his crib. I imagine walking outside with him so he can hear the lovely birdsongs. I imagine walking around the neighborhood with him so he can take in all the greenness and fresh air and feel a breeze brush against his tender skin.

Our life is about to change drastically. Friday at work I kept thinking, this is the last weekend Greg and I will spend in our home as “just us”. The next weekend we spend in this home we will have a little one between us—literally. I know it won’t always be rosy. There will be sickness, tantrums, sleep deprivation, messiness, (much) extra work, etc. The list goes on and on. But these things are outweighed by the fact that we will be loving, nurturing and teaching a now-tiny person who will grow up one day to become someone who will change the world because he was given the tools and opportunity to do so. Not because of who we are, but because of who he is and because he was given a chance in life.

Hold on, Jackson. We’re almost there, son. I can’t wait to meet you!

Eighteen Months in the Making

2009-03-27T22:05:00.002-04:00

Psalm 52:8-9

8 But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of the God; I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever. 9 I will praise you forever for what you have done; in your name I will hope, for your name is good. I will praise you in the presence of your saints.

Today, the little man we’ve called Bereket for the past two and half months became Jackson Bereket DuBose. This precious baby who was born in a small village 350 miles from Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, officially became a member of our family.

It has been an 18-month journey that has tested every ounce of my inner being, every ounce of my faith and every ounce of my strength, but is it finally here. The last 24 hours have been the longest 24 hours of my life. I had difficulty going to bed last night. I was just so darn keyed up. I sat, monitoring the chatter on the YG, watching the banter about being unable to sleep. I finally turned in at 12:30 AM after praying over the opening of the court in Ethiopia. Greg has been sick since Saturday evening and I have been sleeping on the couch so I didn’t expect a good night’s sleep, and needless to say I wasn’t disappointed. I didn’t sleep well. I woke up several times throughout the night which is so unlike me. I’m usually so exhausted by 9:00 PM that it’s easy to fall asleep once I crawl into bed. I awoke at 4:18 AM and actually had the feeling that the judge might be reviewing our case. Whether or not that is what happened, it is what was happening in my mind. So I prayed hard for God’s favor in not only our case but also in the other six cases being heard throughout the night. I finally got up from the couch at 7:00, feeling like a zombie. I wandered through the morning, waiting for the phone to ring. I literally counted down the minutes. Before I knew it, it was 10:00 AM and by that point I was afraid to take a shower, fearful AWAA would call. By the time Anna called I was about to crawl out of my skin! I honestly did not know what to expect. I had several people say to me that they just “knew” we would be “okay”. I honestly didn’t know that. I’m not privy to God’s thoughts. And God’s will is not mine. So how on earth could I know everything would be okay? I didn’t! I was so relieved to hear Anna finally say, “Congratulations.”

So here it is 18-months in the making. And our son is coming home soon.

Thank you, Father, for your mercy. Thank you for your love and grace. You are faithful. And you are awesome. You are my Father. And I love you.

HE IS OURS!

2009-03-27T12:22:00.003-04:00

Today, Jackson Bereket DuBose joined our forever family!

Jackson Bereket DuBose

Tick Tock

2009-03-26T08:28:00.002-04:00

Psalm 51:10-12

10Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit
within me. 11Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy
Spirit from me. 12Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant
me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Well, the day is finally here. Months have now turned into hours.
After 18 months (as of today) of counting "up" the days (xx days since
submitting our application, xx days since submitting this form or that
form, xx days since submitting our dossier to Ethiopia, etc...) this
is the first instance we've actually counted "down" the days.

I don't know how I will contain myself today. I am wound tight as a
top. I can't think about anything else and have been chattering
constantly to God for the past several days. And I do mean constantly.
There are SO many families with court dates this week. In fact I've
never seen so many court dates in one week before! So I have been
continually lifting families, the AWAA staff and program and the
Ethiopian officials and judges up in prayer, I always have, but as
you can imagine, it has been amplified now that we are finally in the
"hour queue". I am so glad God is patient, loving, merciful and
gracious because my chatter would drive a mortal mad!

So please, if you're reading this, won't you join me in praying for
God's favor for all families who are awaiting court decisions? There
are three as of this moment who's cases went before the court last
night and six of us who's cases will go before the judge while we
sleep tonight. I thank in advance for your prayerful support. It
means the world to us.

In the Eyes of a Child

2009-03-24T11:16:00.005-04:00

The following is an actual transcript of a voicemail left on my cell phone by our Godson’s mother, Tempal.

“Hey, Bob, it’s me. I just had something funny to tell you. I was getting Nickson dressed this morning and he said, ‘Mom, how can I make my legs black?’ And I said, what? What do you mean? Nickson said, ‘Like Greg? How do I make my legs black like his?’ I said, well you can’t. And he said, ‘Yes you can. Greg did.’ So I explained to him that Greg was born that way because that’s how his parents are. And that Nickson’s legs are white because that’s how his parents are, and that everyone is different but you can’t change the color of skin.”

I love the innocence of that exchange.

How wonderful would the world be if everyone looked at skin color as Nickson does? Imagine looking at skin color as no big deal. And imagine this tiny little knock-kneed, porcelain-skinned child thinking he could change his skin color as easily as he changes his tee shirt.

I wish we all had the innocence of a child. The world would be a much better place.

God bless you, Nickson. Don’t you ever change!

Focus

2009-03-22T20:46:00.002-04:00

We have much to focus on this week. I want to have as little distraction as possible. I want nothing more than to focus on God and His plan for us this week. I admit that’s been hard to do lately. The enemy has been coming at me strong as of late, but that’s to be expected. He will try to do everything within his power to derail our spiritual walk and take the focus off God. Satan doesn’t want anything good to happen—not to me, not to Greg, not to Jackson, nor does he want God to get the glory for what he is doing in our lives.

But I am going to do everything in MY power through the power of our Lord in heaven to keep my focus on God and what he is doing in our lives. God has a special place in His heart for Jackson—for all orphans—and Satan does not want to see His plan for Jackson come to fruition.

James 1:27

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

But God’s plan will come to pass. I pray with all my heart that will happen Friday, but even if it doesn’t happen Friday, it will still happen. Don’t get me wrong. I will be heartbroken. Jackson turned four months old today. And as I said in my previous post days have turned in to months and it is very hard to see photos of him and to see how much he has grown and changed since we received those very first photos upon his referral.

So I will stay focused this week. My immediate prayer is for God to keep me as close to Him as possible. I pray that there be not the slightest chasm separating me and my Lord in heaven. I pray for wisdom so I can see clearly when the enemy is tapping me on my shoulder and knocking on my door. I pray for strength and fortitude to fight the enemy and turn him back, away from me and my family. No distractions. Just me and my Father. That’s it.

Isaiah 31:4

This is what the LORD says to me: "As a lion growls, a great lion over his prey— and though a whole band of shepherds is called together against him, he is not frightened by their shouts or disturbed by their clamor— so the LORD Almighty will come down to do battle on Mount Zion and on its heights.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

3 For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Lord, may your will be done.

Trust

2009-03-20T14:52:00.002-04:00

I read the following quote in the daily devotional Your Daily Walk.

“Patience is accepting a difficult situation without giving God a deadline for removing it.”

I think these words speak volumes. I know I’m guilty of doing that—giving God a deadline, and it’s always TODAY. And this especially rings true at present. One week from today our case will go before a judge in the Ethiopian courts.

I am finding it so hard to be patient. This entire process has been a great test of my patience. But right now, with days having turned into months since receiving our referral, it’s extremely difficult. That, combined with the fact that we will most likely not receive an update this month, has me on the edge of my seat.

But I must continually talk myself off that ledge and remind myself who is in charge here. It is not me. It is The One who knows how I am formed and remembers that I am dust; The One who will never desert me. That’s right. It’s my Father heaven. And he will receive the glory, no matter what.

But it’s hard. It’s by far one of the most difficult and challenging things I’ve ever faced. I’m a doer. I make things happen. I just put my head down, take up the task at hand and get to work. That’s my M.O. But here, I have no control. I must trust. And trust I will.

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; …

1 Samuel 3:18

…He is the LORD; let him do what is good in his eyes.

Please, Father, hear my prayers. Please grant us your favor in the coming week. You know our hearts better than WE know our hearts. Let your will be done!

Donations for Orphanages and Transition Home

2009-03-18T12:11:00.006-04:00

Dearest Friends,

Several people have expressed a desire to donate items to the orphanages and transition home in Ethiopia. The following is a list of needs for the orphanages and transition home as provided by our agency, America World Adoption Agency (“AWAA”). *

Please bear in mind, this is not a solicitation for contributions. We merely wanted to give everyone the opportunity to contribute, should they so choose. Any and all donations are welcome.

Items Needed For Ethiopian Orphanages and AWAA Transitional Home

Basic Items:
Toys to stimulate babies such as colorful objects, rattles, etc. appropriate for babies up to 2 years
Unscented baby wipes
Nestle Great Start Supreme powdered formula with DHA/RHA
Lactose-free formula
A + D Original Ointment, Diaper Rash and All-Purpose Skincare Formula
Hand Sanitizer

Medications/Medical Items:
Multivitamins
Tri-vi-sol (o to 6 months)
Poly-vi-sol (6 months to 2 years)
Chewable multi-vitamin (2 years to 9 years)
Tylenol (acetaminophen)
Infants’
Children's
Suppository
Baby nose saline spray
Neosporin
Benadryl liquid/elixir
Toothbrushes, toothpaste and floss

Per Ethiopian Airlines’ checked luggage allowance we are allowed two checked bags per person weighing up to 50 pounds per bag. If the bags weigh in excess of 50 pounds but less than 70 pounds the excess baggage fee is a flat rate of $60.00 per bag. Additional bags weighing up to fifty pounds are assessed an excess baggage fee of $150.00 per bag. Additional bags weighing in excess of 50 pounds but less than 70 pounds are assessed a fee of $210.00 per bag. Donations to cover excess baggage fees are welcome. Please note: Any and all monetary donations remaining after allocating funds for excess baggage fees will be used to purchase items from the above list.

Items can be dropped off at Bella Group’s Jupiter office located at 2074 West Indiantown Road, Suite 101. Bella Group’s telephone number is 561-746-6077.

Thank you in advance for your generosity. It means the world to us and it will make a world of difference to children we will likely never know.

Warmest regards,

Greg, Bobbie and Jackson DuBose

* America World Adoption Association is a non-profit, licensed Christian international adoption agency.

Switching Gears

2009-03-16T13:07:00.003-04:00

No matter how many times it happens, it is still amazing to me how God continually renews and restores my spirit when I humble myself before Him. But it makes sense. After all, He is my Father and I am His beloved daughter. He wants nothing but good things for me.

Psalm 65:4-6

4 Blessed are those you choose and bring near to live in your courts! We are filled with the good things of your house, of your holy temple.

5 You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas,

6 who formed the mountains by your power, having armed yourself with strength,

After a couple of days of asking God “why” last week, I have a brand new perspective today. I am so happy to say that once again, the glass is half full!

We have begun to ask for and accept donations for the transition home and orphanage. I requested and received a list of needs from AWAA last week. I shared the list with our pastor’s wife and my dear friend, Ashlie. They are on the case! Our church is including a note in the bulletin this week and Ashlie has already sent a list of needs to her family and friends. She is going to do the same for Greg and me once I furnish a list of contacts. I can’t wait to see what the Lord does in our friends’ hearts!

Proverbs 22:9

9 A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor.

I spoke briefly with a wonderful man at church yesterday, Mark Sotak, who happens to be a truly gifted mouth painter (www.sotak.net). A recipient of Ashlie’s email, Mark told me he would like to donate a painting inspired by Jesus’ evening in the Garden of Gethsemane. Mark’s generous offer literally brought tears to my eyes. It will be our distinct honor to deliver Mark’s painting to the transition home.

We are blessed beyond measure.

My Prayer for Today

2009-03-13T11:06:00.002-04:00

1 Samuel 3:17

..."He is the LORD; let him do what is good in his eyes."

I am giving it all up to God; every last bit of it--our court appearance (two weeks from today), our travel dates, our business, our finances--all of it. After a stressful day, night and morning (thus far), I'm giving it up.

I simply cannot be consumed by things I cannot control. I am casting all of my cares and burdens on you, Lord. Please, take my yoke and I'll take yours.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

2009-03-12T16:19:00.004-04:00

For the past nearly 18 months since beginning this adoption process, I’ve felt like my system has operated in one of two modes; flight or fight or mental exhaustion. Sometimes I’m in a mode for weeks on end and sometimes only for a day. But I constantly vacillate between the two. There seldom seems to be a gray area.

This adoption has been a rollercoaster with far more valleys than peaks. Mind you, I may just feel like this at present because I’m worn down, but this is my reality—today.

As mentioned in my previous post, we received an email last week notifying us of an earlier court date. Tuesday of this week we received our new tentative travel dates of April 18 to 25, which had us traveling one week earlier than our originally assigned tentative travel dates. Notice I say, “Had us traveling.” We received a disheartening email today from AWAA announcing changes being implemented in the coming two weeks by the Consulate in Ethiopia. AWAA isn’t exactly certain how this will ultimately affect families currently waiting to travel, but their initial statement is that we will be delayed from one to three weeks. To say I’m disappointed is an understatement. And I'm realistic. I've learned over the past nearly 18 months that things seldom swing toward the positive in this odyssey, but rather toward the worst-case-scenario. That's why I was SO delighted to receive an expedited court date. It seems things like that almost NEVER happen.

I know in the grand scheme of things this is not a major setback. There are families who have been waiting six months to travel due to problems with their in-country paperwork. There have been families in the past whose children did not make it home because they succumbed to illness. Families were stuck in limbo for months last fall because of Ethiopia’s court closure. There are families whose children have been extremely ill upon arrival in the US and ended up in the hospital several times. Every family who has ever gone through an adoption has experienced a myriad of setbacks. It’s the nature of the beast. But this is still a BIG DEAL to me. I've been literally counting the days until court, and literally counting the days until our TTD's. And now, I have no idea where we stand. It's just a kick in the stomach. And you know what, it's okay to feel the pain. Things aren't always, "alright", "fabulous", "wonderful", "great", etc., etc., etc. Sometimes things are just crappy. And this setback is C-R-A-P-P-Y. I know. I know. I know. I'm whining. There are elements of these new policies and procedures that benefit us and our children and it's only a matter of weeks. But it's still difficult to bear. I'm fearful there are some people who will read this post and be upset with me for grumbling. But you know what...I'm human. I am not perfect. I am fraught with human frailties.

But I hold out hope of the day I will finally hold Jackson in my arms and look into his big brown eyes.

Psalm 55:1-2; 16-18

1 Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; 2 hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught ...

16 But I call to God, and the LORD saves me. 17 Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. 18 He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me.

Please, God! Don’t delay not one more day than absolutely necessary. I know you are sovereign over all things. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Please, Lord, listen to my prayer. Bring this child home!

Ethiopia Country Profile

2009-03-06T12:11:00.000-05:00

Ethiopia Country Profile

Oh Give Thanks

2009-03-02T18:04:00.001-05:00

Psalm 105: 1-2

Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name;  make known his deeds among the peoples!  Sing to him, sing praises to him;  tell of all his wondrous works!

We received the most wonderful news today! I received a completely unexpected email from AWAA late this afternoon informing us that our court date has been moved up two full weeks to March 27th. I was not expecting this. I was so thankful to HAVE a date that I never even gave an expedited date a thought. To say I was dumbfounded would be an understatement.

We serve an amazing God!

Psalm 57:10

For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

My Hero

2009-03-01T19:43:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I had the pleasure of speaking with my dear friend, Robin. We have known each other for practically a lifetime. We chatted for about 30 minutes or so and laughed about old times and current times. It was good to hear her voice. She sounded great!

Robin is my hero. She had brain surgery Wednesday. But what is important is that this isn’t the first surgery she has undergone to remove a “Dixie cup-size tumor” from her brain. This is Robin’s second surgery in five months. And let me tell you—she is an inspiration to all. Robin sent me a text message at 4:40 Wednesday morning. The message stated, “On our way…, 4 in the morning. God is perfect and faithful. And I’m at peace. Love ya.”

I mean, really. That puts it all in perspective. I can only hope that if I’m ever faced with something of this magnitude that I can muster a small fraction of the faith and grace that my dear friend Robin has expressed throughout this ordeal.

Yes, Robin. God is perfect and faithful. And I love you too.

Special Delivery

2009-02-28T20:38:00.002-05:00

We received Jackson’s monthly update this week. He has grown so much! He no longer looks like the baby he was in his referral photos. He looks like a little man. We are so grateful that AWAA has implemented this policy of sending monthly updates. This policy began the week we received our referral. Prior to this, families usually only received information on their child if their child was experiencing health issues. I couldn’t imagine going months without knowing your child’s progress and development. What a blessing these updates are!

Yesterday I sent a small package to Jackson courtesy of a family who departs next Friday to pick up their son. Obviously luggage limitations are an issue so you can only send a one-gallon food storage bag. In reality this is well within reason. At only three months of age it’s not as if there are a lot of things Jackson could use. There are of course many things he needs, but I cannot send bags of diapers, cases of formula and bottles of vitamins earmarked specifically for Jackson. Nor can I send clothing and expect the transition home nannies to keep track of what belongs to Jackson as opposed to what belongs to the other infants. So I am more than fine with the one-gallon food storage bag restriction. Jackson will receive a small, soft blanket, a plush rattle and an outfit Tempal purchased and sent him.

I am so thankful that God provided the means for this family to take Jackson’s care package to him and am overwhelmingly grateful they are willing to deliver it and take a few photos of our beloved son. I can’t wait to see the pictures!

And just think… Tomorrow is March 1st. As of tomorrow I can say, “By the grace, favor and blessing of God we will bring our son home ‘next month’”. This will be poetry to my ears.

Testing

2009-02-25T15:34:00.001-05:00

This is a test of my new mobile blogger account.

Sent from my iPhone

Words to Live by

2009-02-24T21:53:00.002-05:00

Isaiah 30:15 and 18

15 This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation.
In quietness and trust is your strength…”

18 Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
he rises to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!

I came across this scripture during my devotionals Sunday morning and it has been speaking to me ever since. I find such great peace in these verses.

Rest. Salvation. Quietness. Trust. Strength. Gracious. Compassion. Justice. Blessed.

Who doesn’t want these things in life? Who doesn’t want these things in every waking and sleeping moment of their life? I know I do. And the older I get, the more apparent this becomes to me. I want to rest. I cherish my salvation. I want to be strong in the blood that was shed for my sins by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I thank God for his tender mercy and grace. I thank God for his compassion that flows over me like a river. And I want to be blessed. Don’t get me wrong. I am already blessed beyond measure. But as I wait to get our little guy home, I pray for God’s favor and blessing on the final stage(s) of this adoption process.

These are definitely words worth living by.

Happy Birthday to One of the Most Amazing Women I Know

2009-02-11T11:27:00.001-05:00

Today happens to be the birthday of someone very near and dear to me. Today is our daughter’s 27th birthday. Happy birthday, Brittany!

Let me begin by asking you, “How did you get to be 27?” Last I knew, you were a kid riding your bike, playing basketball, softball and homerun derby. Next thing I knew, you were in high school and working at Dunkin’ Donuts. Then came graduation and on to college. You worked hard in college, juggled multiple jobs, yet graduated at the top of your class. Now you’re married and living halfway across the country. I honestly don’t know where time has gone. The years have flown by.

But enough reflection. This is about celebration—a celebration of you. You are an amazing individual. We are so proud of you. You have accomplished so much in life in your 27 short years. I applaud your courage and tenacity. You are not afraid to be your own woman and to live your own life. And although I miss you terribly, I am so very happy for you.

You could’ve used every familial and socio-economic excuse in the book to settle for mediocrity (or shall I say idiocracy) but you didn’t. Instead, you put your nose to the grindstone and took the world by storm!

God blessed me tremendously by allowing me to be your mother. I am honored. And Jackson is going to be equally blessed in having you as his big sister.

So happy birthday, my dear, sweet daughter. I encourage you to continue to dream big, to continue to take risks, and to never take no for an answer. You are loved beyond measure! Thank you, for allowing me to be your mom.

Getting There... Slowly but Surely

2009-02-10T11:05:00.003-05:00

We are now under two months until court. Okay, not by much. We have 59 days until our Ethiopian court date. But I do feel we're making forward progression.

We had to have our Home Study updated as it expires March 7, 2009. This required new new local law enforcement background checks as well as state-level law enforcement and CYS background checks. We also had to do an interview with our social worker. Initially it was daunting (to me) to to go through this again. In addition to the time required to initiate and complete this update, I was also fretting over the associated costs. But then again, no one said this would be an easy endeavor.

I'm just happy we're finally moving forward. Now, if I can just lock in the air travel we'll be set to jet. Literally... And that's a great feeling!

The Countdown Continues vs. the Coundown Begins

2009-02-07T21:49:00.003-05:00

We received our tentative travel dates today. Providing we pass court April 10 we will travel April 25 to May 3rd to bring Jackson home.

This is 78 days from today. The practical side of me says that’s not a lot of time. I have so much to accomplish in 78 days. I need to finish the nursery. There are still necessities (diaper, formula, baby clothes) to purchase as well as items we need for the trip in case of illness or emergency. But the emotional side of me says 78 days is an eternity. I look at the photos of Jackson we received with our referral and my heart breaks. He was only seven weeks old in those photos. He’s already two and a half months old. He will be five months old when we finally get to hold him in our arms. (I know, you’ve heard this before, but I can’t stop thinking about it.)

It’s human nature to want to be with someone who needs us. And he needs us. I’m certain the AWAA Transition Home caregivers are loving Jackson and nurturing him as I write this. But let’s face it, there are a limited number of caregivers and so many children who require their time and love.

Please, God. Please let us get there just as soon as possible. Jackson needs us.

James 1:27

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress...

A Mention of Gratitude

2009-02-04T17:28:00.002-05:00

I’m taking a moment to express my gratitude to family and friends who have supported us in our adoption process from the get-go.

Over the past 16 ½ months I can honestly say I’ve only encountered two people (personally) who were not onboard with our decision to adopt. One person is a close family member and the other is a friend I’ve had for many years. Their primary argument is that I am too old to take on this responsibility. Now, don’t get me wrong. We’ve had some devil’s advocates along the way. Just about everyone told me initially that our life is going to change dramatically. Really? I had no idea…. (wink, wink) Of course our lifestyle is going to slow down a bit, but I’m a-okay with that. The tradeoff cannot even be measured on the same scale. Sorry, I digress…

Seriously though, I do want to say thank you to all of our family and friends who’ve been so supportive. This post was actually prompted by our friend, Cory. It appears she’s become a “blog stalker”. That’s an affectionate term tossed around the AWAA Yahoo chat group for people who monitor blogs for news of all-things-adoption. I was surprised to say the least that Cory popped back in to read my blog. Her subsequent email was so simple, yet uplifting. She really buoyed my spirits. She gave me a breakdown of hours (as opposed to days) until we get to hold our precious Baby Jackson in our arms. Her lighthearted yet tender words of encouragement really spoke to my heart. She went on to remind me that our friends and family are pulling for us and that she is indeed praying for us. I can’t possibly ask for more in a friend.

So thank you, Cory. And a warm, heartfelt thank you to all of our friends and family who are pulling for us, praying for us, cheering for us and loving us. And please know, you are all loved in return.

When Every Day Counts

2009-01-31T20:30:00.004-05:00

We received our (Ethiopian) court date for Baby Jackson this week. It is scheduled for April 10th. This is about two weeks further out than I hoped for, but at least we have a date. We just have to keep this baby covered in prayer until we get him home.

I find myself counting and re-counting days until we get him home. I’m so happy there are only 28 days in February. But I am sad there are 31 days in January and March. Yes, friends, that’s what it’s come down to for me. I’m splitting hairs (or in this case, hours).

April 10th might as well be the year 2020. That’s how far away it seems to me. When we received our referral, Baby Jackson was only seven weeks old. By the time we travel to bring him home (best case scenario the end of April—providing we pass court the first time) he will be five months old. I think of how many things we will miss in his development in these three-plus months. I know—I should not be looking at the final phase of our adoption like this, but I can’t help it. Having reared a child I know how much he will grow in these early, formative months. And I want to be there to not only witness it, but to comfort his fears and love him and nurture him too.

So please, keep Baby Jackson and our upcoming court date in your prayers over the coming months. Pray for protection over Baby Jackson. Pray for strength, patience and love on behalf of the AWAA staff and care givers in-country and at the transition home. Pray for wisdom and discernment for the AWAA staff compiling our (all waiting families) paperwork/files. And most of all, pray that the Ethi*pian judges and M*WA staff come to know the Lord. Pray they process our cases with wisdom and discernment and absence pride and prejudice. I believe in the power of prayer. And I believe in the power of many prayers. Please, everyone, get on your knees and petition the Lord to bring our little guy home.

2 Corinthians 1:10-12

10He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our[a] behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

I Want to be Like David

2009-01-28T18:39:00.006-05:00

One of my devotionals has me skipping around the book of Psalm this month. I’ve read them often over the years but for some reason the chapters and verses are really speaking to me this time around. I have an entirely new appreciation for David.

I’ve always been in awe of David. He was God’s chosen son yet he was utterly flawed. Just like me, he was perfectly human. He made mistakes time and time again, but God truly loved him and never gave up on him. And God did not like to see David’s enemy’s closing in on him.

But something really spoke to me in Psalm 3 today.

1 O LORD, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me!
2 Many are saying of me,
"God will not deliver him."
Selah [a]
3 But you are a shield around me, O LORD;
you bestow glory on me and lift [b] up my head.
4 To the LORD I cry aloud,
and he answers me from his holy hill.
Selah
5 I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
6 I will not fear the tens of thousands
drawn up against me on every side.
7 Arise, O LORD! Deliver me, O my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
break the teeth of the wicked.
8 From the LORD comes deliverance.
May your blessing be on your people.

The faith David exudes in this albeit short Psalm is almost incomprehensible to me. David is facing tens of thousands of his foes, yet he has the utmost faith that God will deliver him from this situation. He’s not standing there wringing his hands saying, “Poor me,” or “What am I going to do?” No! First and foremost he is giving God the just glory that is rightfully his. Then he reiterates God’s power and faithfulness.

I want to be like David! I want to have that confidence. After all—that’s exactly what we’re instructed to do.

Hebrews 4:16

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Sick of Being Sick

2009-01-24T10:19:00.005-05:00

I’ve been so vigilant this winter in my attempts to avoid any and all cold and flu bugs. As I’ve watched people around me suffer with colds and flu (including husband Greg) I’ve been obsessive compulsive in washing my hands and the application of hand sanitizer. I’ve been faithfully taking my vitamins and zinc. I’ve been drinking orange juice with grapefruit seed extract every time I had a tickle in my throat. I continued to work out (which boosts your immune system), ate ginger, got plenty of rest, blah, blah, blah…. And all to no avail.

Yep. I was hit with the mother-of-all-flu-bugs this week. It all began with a sore throat Monday. By Tuesday morning I was in the throes of a high fever, body aches and headache. Here it is Saturday morning and I’m not much better. And I’m a miserable bear. My poor husband has borne the brunt of my grumbling. And last night wasn’t pretty. I snapped at the poor guy in the middle of the night because his snoring was peeling the wallpaper (well, I’m embellishing—we don’t actually have wallpaper) off the walls. All I wanted was to get a decent night of sleep. This has been my bed for the past four nights.

Although this chaise may look big in this photo, the flat portion is probably only three and half feet in length before it begins to curve upward. Thank goodness I’m short! I’ve been sleeping on this for two reasons: 1) Greg snores (see paragraph two) and I’ve not been sleeping soundly to begin with and; 2) Because I’ve been tossing, turning and blowing my nose like mad.

So please, say a little prayer that I’m better soon, because in all honestly I don’t like being a mean, grumpy person. It’s so out of character for me. To use the phrase of a very dear friend of mine, “It gives me the feel-sorries.”

I need a doctor, stat!

2009-01-22T11:04:00.001-05:00

It’s absolutely maddening, I tell you!

I’ve been searching for a pediatrician (in South Florida) with experience in international medicine—primarily one who specializes in post-adoption evaluations. I come up empty-handed in every search.

Ironically (and sadly) a search for plastic surgeons in South Florida, however, gives me 438,000 results in .28 seconds. It is me, or is that just ridiculous? One would think Miami, being the international hub that it is, would have someone experienced in this field of medicine. For the record, Ohio has pediatricians specializing in international medical in Akron, Cleveland, Columbus and Cincinnati. I don’t mean to offend anyone, but when I think of Ohio I don’t necessarily think of a cultural melting pot. Cultural, yes. Melting pot, not so much…

Hmmmmm….

2009-01-21T10:36:00.001-05:00

Exodus 15:11

“Who among the gods is like you, O LORD?
Who is like you—
Majestic in holiness,
Awesome in glory
Working wonders?”

I have spent so much of my life feeling as if I’ve received the “short end of the stick”. But when I truly dig into my memory bank I realize how much God has blessed me over the years. But I probably wouldn’t have realized this had I not met my husband. Like me, my husband had a less-than-storybook upbringing. But you know what? God has more than compensated for any loss we may have experienced throughout our lives. The older I get, the more I realize God has given us many gifts and blessings to make up for anything we have lacked.

And for this, I offer up praise and worship today to my Father in heaven for all the beautiful blessings he has so graciously bestowed upon me throughout my life.

Exodus 15:1-3

“…I will sing to the LORD…
The LORD is my strength and my song:
he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
my father’s God, and I will exalt him.
The LORD is a warrior;
the LORD is his name.”

Thank you, my Heavenly Father. All praise, glory and honor be to you.

I am so in love!

2009-01-17T15:40:00.005-05:00

I look at the photos we received in our referral email and I am head-over-heels in love with this child. He is perfect in every way.

I admit, throughout sixteen months of waiting for this referral, I wasn’t certain what I would feel toward Baby Jackson. I knew I would be grateful and feel relief and joy. But I didn’t know if I would feel an immediate bond with this child.

I’ve given birth. I have a daughter. I know what it’s like to feel that in utero connection. It’s begins immediately once you know a child is present. You begin to take care of yourself and ultimately the child living within you. You watch what you eat. You get enough rest. And once you feel movement, well that's an entirely different story. A bond is undeniably formed from that point forward. You can’t help it because you know there is someone present within.

Well, I can tell you that I felt that same connection as soon as I opened the file of Baby Jackson’s photo. I fell immediately head-over-heels in love. I instinctively felt that same urge to protect and care for this tiny individual, just as I felt for my daughter. I can’t wait to touch him; to hold him; and to smother him with kisses. He is mine. And I am his. And I am so in love…

The Tears Won't Stop Flowing

2009-01-17T11:53:00.004-05:00

1 Samuel 1:27-28

27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD."…

I have so much to tell so I’m simply going to start writing and see where this takes me. (I tried to post a brief version of this story on my blog Thursday evening, but I hit some key that erased the entire post. So I guess I wasn’t supposed to be brief in telling this story. And in retrospect, it would’ve been a slight to God to not give him the fullest glory possible for what he did Thursday.) Bear with me—this is a long one.

We received our long-awaiting referral call from AWAA Thursday. It is a day and date I will never forget. After sixteen sometimes torturous months of waiting, we finally know who our son is! But the call wasn’t the only thing that is so memorable.

The day began like any other day. I got up at 4:45 AM and went to the gym as usual. I had a great workout. I came home, grabbed a cup of coffee and headed into Baby Jackson’s room for my daily devotionals and prayer time. And immediately as I sat down God revealed an answer to me that I had been searching for since November. (Mind you, it is important for you to know this does not happen to me often. God has spoken to me a couple of times over the past few months, but typically I do the talking and God does the listening.) I had been praying ardently for something relating to the adoption and felt as if I wasn’t getting any response from God. It was about a matter that I truly did not want to respond to on my own. I wanted my action(s) to be fully according to God’s will but I wasn’t receiving any direction from him. The previous day (Wednesday) we had to meet a deadline for something and I made the best decision I could with information I had at hand, hoping it was pleasing to God. In sitting down for my morning of prayer, God told me that what I had done was of HIM. And I was so happy because it was made so clear to me. I literally smiled, raised my hand and said aloud, “THANK YOU.”

I finished reading my devotionals and moved into reading the designated scriptures. (I began reading a devotional last year that walks you through the Bible. I began mid-year with Isaiah and began Genesis January 1st.) Thursday’s reading was about Joseph and his reunion with his brothers in Egypt. Not to go too far afield, I am estranged from my siblings for reasons that have nothing to do with me. It has been their choice to extricate themselves from my life. Over the years I’ve tried to re-establish a relationship with them but my efforts have gone unanswered. Now, you may ask yourself what does this have to do with our referral. Well, to me it has nothing, yet everything to do with it. You see, it’s what God has placed (or in this case removed) from my heart. I’ve been very bitter about a family matter as of late. (Refer to previous blog entry.) And as I read this chapter about Joseph I decided I would send my sister a card. The only thing I wrote in the card is the following:

1 John 4:7

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

“XXXX, Know you are loved. Bobbie”

And that’s it. That’s all I wrote. I just wanted my sister to know that no matter what has happened in the past, she is loved by God and she is loved by me. This small gesture opened up a huge pathway in my heart. This action combined with my admission of doubt and frustration in my blog the previous evening literally took a weight off my shoulders. All I could think of was this scripture:

Matthew 11:29-30

29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I was a thousand pounds lighter!

I put my Bible down, moved onto my hands and knees, bunched up as tight as I could with my forehead resting on the floor and began to pray. I began with a prayer of thanks for God’s revelation to me in his answer to my many months of prayers. And the tears began to flow. I could feel God’s presence in the room with me. And I was crying and praying aloud, prayers of thanksgiving for all God has done in my life, for all of the wonderful blessings far too numerous to name, literally like grains of sand on the beach and stars in the sky. I prayed for forgiveness for all of my sins and shortcomings, confessing my doubt and fear. And as I prayed I felt God place a blanket (or robe) over my shoulders and his hands were resting on my shoulders and he was telling me, “It’s okay. I’m here with you.” And I saw, in a vision, our stack of paperwork in someone’s hands. And he told me (without words) that our referral was coming; that is was underway. I didn’t know when. I didn’t see that, only that it was coming. I finished my prayers, emotionally spent and overwhelmed by the experience.

I got up and went in to the kitchen and texted an important prayer warrior in my life to tell her what had just happened. She called me and we talked about it. I told her our referral would be coming soon. I didn’t know when, but I had total peace in my heart that we would be hearing from AWAA – soon.

I went to work and received a call from our adoption coordinator regarding an email I had sent the previous week. Mind you, I have had very little unsolicited contact from AWAA during the past sixteen months. So when I saw the area code, my heart literally stopped. But Terra began the conversation saying she thought she would call me instead of emailing her response. We talked for a few minutes and then I joked with her about calling me out of the blue like that when I’m so close to a referral. She admitted that we were “very” close. I joked with her that she needed to use the code work “Jackson” when she would be calling with our referral and that if she called again and I didn’t hear that word then I would know it was just a regular old “business” call. We laughed and concluded the conversation. I texted my prayer warrior friend to tell her what had happened and we bantered back and forth about it via text messages. I went back to work (still a bit shaken) to finish a project Greg needed for a meeting.

About an hour and half later my phone rings again. I see it is AWAA’s area code and again, my heart stops. I answer and it is our coordinator. I hear the word, “Jackson.” And that’s it. I completely lose my mind. I fall to my knees and I am crying so hard I can barely speak. I can’t breathe. She tells me a bit about the baby boy God has sent us. And he is perfect.

I do not know what I am supposed to do with all of these words, but I do know I was supposed to put pen to paper to chronicle this story. If not for you, the reader, it is for our son, Jackson. The course of this journey was plotted not by me or Greg, but by our loving and gracious Father in heaven.

Isaiah 55:8-9

8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. 9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

And I ask all of you to continue to pray for us and for Baby Jackson until he is safely home. There are still many bureaucratic obstacles to overcome before the process is complete. So please, I implore you, continue praying this sweet child home.Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. We are forever grateful.

Proverbs 16:3-4

3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. 4 The LORD works out everything for his own ends—

Girding My Loins

2009-01-14T20:55:00.016-05:00

I have not been a faithful blogger. It's been more than a month since my last post. There were numerous holiday parties throughout December. Christmas has come and gone. Ditto for New Year's eve/day. The tree is gone. The decorations are packed away. Work has resumed and time marches on.

I'm minimizing things of course. The holidays were wonderful. We traveled to Cincinnati to spend Christmas with family. We were blessed to spend almost five full days with our cousins and Godson. It was so wonderful to be around family. I miss them. I wish daughter Brittany would've joined us, that's the only thing that would have made it absolutely 100% perfect. But alas, she spent Christmas with hubby Mike at home. But that's okay. We'll get to see them in March, God willing, when they come to visit.

Christmas was bittersweet this year. I learned Christmas Eve day that my mother was in the hospital undergoing surgery. She had actually been there for three days. I was saddened beyond words that no one had bothered to contact me. But that's a story I won't go into right now. I was also disappointed that we were really no closer to a referral for our child at the end of December then we were in the beginning of October. As we celebrated last Christmas I was pretty certain we would at least know who our little guy is this Christmas, but that didn't happen. I won't lie. I was a sad about that. I felt as if we had been at a standstill for a long, long time.

Referrals began to flow the first week of January though. And they continue to do so at a record pace. On the YG unofficial list we are number two in line for an infant boy. I am on pins and needles every single day. And on the days when there have been referrals I don't know whether to puke or cry as I wait for the phone to ring. And that's the honest truth. That's how worked up I get.

My greatest concern over the past several weeks though has been what seems to be a constant barrage of spiritual warfare I'm undergoing. This doesn't really surprise me. The more you walk your spiritual walk, the more Satan comes after you. And I've really been using this waiting period to dig deeper into God's word and spend more time in prayer and meditation. So it stands to reason the devil would come a knockin'. I've been bitter (see paragraph 3), I've been quick to become angry over silly things, I've been full of self-pity, and I've doubted God's faithfulness. I've had some very dark days as of late. But my greatest mistake has been to think that God condemned me for these thoughts and actions. The Holy Spirit may have convicted me, but I'm responsible for the condemning. Me and only me.

So, I'm going to pick myself up and brush myself off and start all over again. That's the beauty of life. I get a do over tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day.... You get what I mean. Isn't God great?!?!

Psalm 86:15

But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

So Many Good Things

2008-12-09T12:44:00.008-05:00

Things are cranking right along here as we approach Christmas and the new year. We've been so busy I haven't had as much time as I'd like to really reflect on the meaning of the season. But that's okay because so many wonderful things are happening.

We've been to a couple of charitable events in the past few weeks. We've attended two events for brain tumor support on behalf of a client. And we've been to two events (on behalf of another client) to promote yoga for at-risk children. In addition to these events, Greg and I have been furiously shopping for children we've sponsored. The first child was a young boy who resides at the Casa Shalom Orphanage in Guatemala. We also purchased supplies for the New Life Nicaragua Orphanage in Nicaragua. Plus we sponsored two local children through our church's Joseph's Storehouse program and four local children through a client's charity participation. Most of the gift requests were for gift cards but one little girl asked for a bike. Let me tell you, Greg came home last night with the greatest bike and helmet for this little girl. This little gal isn't going to want to stop riding this bicycle. Greg did a fabulous job picking it out. It's a purple BMX-type bike replete with trick foot pegs on the front and back. It's awesome! But oven more awesome is our God-provided ability to support these children. It is through God's blessing that we're able to do this. The things we have are merely on loan to us from God. So it's important that we share his resources wisely and abundantly with the world around us.

Something else that's been amazing are people's attitudes this holiday season. People have been polite and considerate and happy. Yes -- happy! With the state of the economy being so dismal you would think people would be bitter and mean-spirited. But we haven't found this to be the case. People have actually been cheerful. It's a beautiful thing. It has rejuvenated my hope in mankind. It's almost as if people are realizing "by the grace of God, go I." And it's true. A turn of events (be it bad health or job loss) could put any one of us at risk for losing our homes and our possessions. And I think people finally see that possessions aren't the be all end all. They can be taken away at a moment's notice. If there is one good thing to come out of this recession, it just might be that people have finally realized that we truly do need each other.

And the last but certainly not least of all things I want to mention in this post is my husband. You will never believe (well, since most of you know Greg you would believe it) what Greg did for me this weekend. First, he gave me the most splendid foot massage EVER Friday evening. Good golly, I was in heaven! But it didn't stop there. We had a lot of shopping to do Saturday in preparation for a BBQ we hosted Sunday. After returning home I had some landscaping to tackle in the backyard. It involved some pretty heavy lifting and maneuvering. I toiled away for about four hours. By the time I was done I was covered from head to toe in potting soil and dirt and could barely stand up because I had stooped over for so long. To boot I accidentally doused myself while watering the new plants and was freezing as the temperature was dropping. I quickly tip-toed through the living room en route to the bedroom to change when Greg stopped me. Acting as a decoy he commented on how dirty I was and then lead me into the bedroom to change. He had candles lit, soft music playing and had drawn a delicious hot bubble bath. I couldn't jump in fast enough! But -- it didn't stop there. He brought me water, a glass of wine and cooked dinner! Don't ask me what I did to deserve a man like Greg. But boy-oh-boy do I thank the Lord above every-single-day for him. He is my rock and I love him!

Broken

2008-12-04T14:41:00.003-05:00

Psalm 31:14-15

But I trust in you, O Lord; I say; "You are my God." My times are in your hands...

God pointed me to this verse this morning. He not only placed this verse before me, but he also told me to commit it to not only my memory, but also to my heart.

You see, God has been doing some pretty amazing things to my heart as of late. As you all know, I have been struggling and searching for answers as we progress toward the latter part of this adoption journey. The closer we get, the wait is almost unbearable (for me) at times, especially since joining the AWAA Yahoo chat group a couple of months ago. I see so much pain and heartache flowing through the postings as families do not pass court, referrals are not made, court dates are met and then postponed for sometimes months at a time and even the deaths of two infants in the transition home. I clearly perceive (and feel) the anguish of these families as they post these stories.

But God has been speaking to me over the past couple of months. He has been telling me to wait and be patient. And when I refused to be patient (the waiting part I have no control over) He sent His Holy Spirit to break me down. But as He did this, He told me exactly what He was doing. He told me that in order for Him to bless me, I needed to break. I needed to give up my will. I needed to turn it over to God so He could prove faithful and be glorified in this process. That happened on a Sunday in church a couple of weeks ago. I felt as if I were being crushed but crushed in love. God's mercy and love were right there with me. At that point I turned it all over to Him. The wait. The anger. The frustration. I was broken.

Fast forward a couple of weeks to this morning's devotionals and prayer time. He placed Psalm 31:14-15 before me. But he spoke to me in doing so. He said, "I ordain your trials and tribulations. I do this so that you can see that I am utterly trustworthy and devoted to you."

I have never felt more loved in my life...

Waiting is hard!

2008-12-02T13:29:00.007-05:00

It's been quite awhile since I've posted anything. There are a couple of reasons for this. I guess first and foremost it's because we've been busy. Thanksgiving was last week. We spend the holiday with our friend Wendy's family. Her mom cooked the most wonderful traditional Thanksgiving fare. Yum! The four day weekend was delightful. Well, for me at least. Poor Greg woke up Saturday morning with a bad sore throat. This turned into a full-blown, raging cold by late Saturday afternoon. He's been a real trouper though. He's still battling it but it hasn't kept him down.

It was nice to get caught up on sleep and get a jump start on putting up Christmas decorations. I splurged this year and did something I've wanted to do since moving to South Florida seven years ago. I ordered our Christmas tree from a tree farm in North Carolina. It was cut last Wednesday (by the owner himself) and FedEx'd to us. We received the tree Friday morning. Wow! Was it ever worth it. The only way the tree could've been fresher is if we would've cut it down ourselves. It is perfectly shaped and wonderfully fragrant. Greg jokes that he is going to put all the furniture in the garage so we can just have the tree in the room because it's so big. I love it!

To go back to my opening paragraph, the second reason I've not written is that I kind of have my head buried in the sand as of late. I've been so down (for lack of a better word) over the adoption. The wait time is like the Energizer Bunny! It just keeps going and going and going. I swear there is no end in sight! Without any referrals in October and only five given in the last week of November, it seems as if America World is NEVER going to get caught up! There are 14 families ahead of us on the Yahoo chat database. Eight of these famlies are waiting for infant boys just as we are. At this rate, it doesn't look like we're going to get a referral until January. I had high hopes that we'd at least receive a telephone call around Christmas. But alas I don't believe that to be the case now. It's hard. I try to be patient. I try to wait on the Lord. But I feel as if my (actually our) life has been on hold for the past 15 months. I know God has a plan. But sometimes it's hard as a mere human to wait for His plan to unfold. IYesterday I received my travel immunizations. Yikes! I received six shots--three in each arm. I received the shots at 3:30 PM and by 6:00 PM my triceps began to feel as if I had a strenuous workout. When 9:00 PM rolled around and I crawled into bed, I couldn't lay on either side. And forget trying to wrestle with the covers! I felt like my arms went 10 rounds with Mike Tyson! Don't be alarmed. This is a typical reaction caused by two of the vaccinations. They are feeling somewhat better today. Greg has no idea what's in store for him. Sssssshhhhh.... don't tell him... The secret is ours.

Isaiah 41:9-10

..."You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. 10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

2008-11-16T18:59:00.000-05:00

Well, here I am at the conclusion of another busy weekend. It's passed by in what seems like the blink of an eye.

I didn't leave my office until about 7:15 Friday evening, but that's okay. I'm looking forward to the holidays and if spending a few extra minutes here and there in the office allows me to eventually spend a little less time in the office in the coming weeks, then that's the price I'll gladly pay.

Saturday, Greg and I golfed (independently) in a charity golf tournament for Jupiter Christian School. Although Greg and I used to be avid (which is actually an understatement) golfers, I've kind of lost my love for the game. This is really attributed to a shift in priorities. As we get closer to the end of this adoption, I've just had so many other things on my mind. Plus I've easily been able to find other things to spend my spare four to five hours per weekend on. But I must say I had a really enjoyable time participating in Saturday's outing. One of the members of my golf foursome -- who was actually the reason I agreed to participate in the outing -- was my friend Wendy. I seldom get to spend time with Wendy, but the beauty of our friendship lies in the fact that despite great lapses in time, we can virtually "pick up where we left off". Wendy is a gem of a person with a heart of gold. She always has a smile on her face and a positive outlook on everything. Additionally, she has the quickest wit of perhaps anyone I know. I really had a terrific time!

Saturday evening Greg and I attended the Jupiter Christian School dinner auction as guests of our friends, Maria and Dom.. Maria was the major organizer of this year's event and she did a fabulous job. The food was fabulous as were the setting and atmosphere. We had a truly enjoyable time with our friends. And not only that, we were also the successful bidders for a year's membership at the Palm Beach Yacht Club. I look forward to sharing many wonderful dinners there with my wonderful husband during the coming year.

Although the above-mentioned events are fabulous ( sorry, but I LOVE the word fabulous) in and of themselves, I participated in the most meaningful event this afternoon. After a truly inspiring service at church this morning I stayed afterward to tag clothing we parishioners purchased for residents of Casa Shalom orphanage in Guatemala. As I tagged and folded I found myself scrutinizing each and every child's information card. The cards included a photo of the child and they really spoke to my heart. I prayed to God to look after these children as I folded and tagged their items. This was a special undertaking in that we were able to obtain an information card for a specific child residing at the orphanage. We were then tasked with purchasing an entire outfit for them--pants, shirt, shoes, underwear and socks. But it didn't stop there -- we were also asked to hold on to the card in order to pray for the individual child. So as these items are packed and our pastoral staff prepares to hand-carry them to the children at Casa Shalom, I blanket them all with prayers and blessings.

And that, my friends, concludes another fabulous week in the DuBose family adventure...

Peace and blessings to all...

Way to go, Dolphins! Dolphins????

2008-11-10T14:56:00.000-05:00

I had the pleasure of attending a Miami Dolphin game yesterday with my lovely hubby, Greg, and my TFF's (that's Truly Fabulous Friends), Wendy and Mark. What a wonderful day!

As a life-long, die-hard Pittsburgh Steeler fan, the weather was a bit warm for my traditional football taste. I'm used to tailgating in Sorels and woolen underwear. Speaking of tailgating, Wendy and Mark hooked us up! We had cheese and crackers, all-natural all-beef brats, yummy Fire & Ice salad and scrumptious sweet potato pie with praline pecan topping! Gosh I'm hungry just thinking about it! Oh, and not only did they hook us up in the food department, but Wade gets a special shout out for putting up with us as our chauffeur. Thanks, Wade!

The Dolphins won (narrowly) which made for a great game. The energy in the stands was infectious, which makes me think I just might have to become a Dol-Fan. But don't worry, Big Ben, Troy and Hines. I will never forsake you! Now, where IS my Terrible Towel????

Wow, what a week!

2008-11-08T09:42:00.000-05:00

We've been unbelievably busy here in the DuBose household this past week, hence the lack of a post. Although our lives are always full of work and home-life responsibilities, this past week has involved a lot of extra-curricular activities as well. Here is a brief recap.

Halloween - What a night! As expected we had a steady procession of trick-or-treaters beginning at about 5:45. We saw some great costumes and some "what-were-their-parents-thinking" costumes. The pinnacle of the latter being a group of five teenage girls dressed as Native American Indians. Whoa! Let's just say they didn't spend a lot on the fabric...

Saturday post-Halloween - Again, what night. We went to a client's costume party. We had a fabulous time and met some fabulous people. I'm pleased to say we won 2nd place for the best "Couples" costume.

Sunday - A truly fabulous day. Our pastor delivered a wonderful message at church. We came home and just chilled for the day. Greg watched his Miami Dolphins (who actually won another game) and made us a most scrumptious dinner of honey-garlic glazed beer can chicken on the grill. Mmmmm... good!

Tuesday - Again, what a night!!! My dear friend, Todd, and his friend (our new BFF), Sarah, drove up from Miami to watch election results. Todd lives in Las Vegas and "Sarah Montana" lives in, well - Montana. Both Todd and Sarah will be in Miami on business for two weeks. We are honored that they would drive 96 miles (each way) to spend time with us. Todd and I have been friends for almost eight years but we only see each other every couple of years or so. It goes without saying, this night was doubly special for me!

And finally, it is the weekend. I love Saturdays! I've always like the weekend, but the older I get the more I find myself LIVING for the weekend. This "living" usually begins late Friday morning as I start counting down the hours until the end of the work day. I, like most people, am physically spent by the end of the week, with nothing left to give. Additionally, I don't think I'm acclimated to the end of daylight savings time yet. I was exhausted by yesterday morning, as evidenced by my forgetting to turn the water off in the pool .. (Although I'm not certain why I'M the one who has to remember to turn it off since there are two adults residing in this household... Plus, I didn't put the hose INTO the pool. But, I digress...)

I'm concluding this post with a photo of our new "vanishing edge" pool.

Happy Saturday to all, and to all a great weekend!

Rest

2008-10-30T11:43:00.000-04:00

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

When creating this blog it was not my intention to make it a spiritual blog. But that's the unconscious turn it's taken. So I'm going to let the Holy Spirit lead me when/where it chooses.

The above verse really spoke to me during my morning devotions. It gave me pause because I don't know anyone walking this earth that wouldn't benefit from that scripture. Who isn't weary from work, chasing/chauffeuring children and running a household? And who isn't burdened by the current state of the economy, the war(s) we're fighting and presidential campaign rhetoric? I know I'm weary and burdened. (So sorry, Greg! You're always the vent on my pressure cooker. Know that I love you for putting up with my steam. :-* )

So to all of you who are also weary and burdened--take a moment to reflect on the above verse (and the continuation below) and drink it in. I think you'll find it to be refreshing. It might even renew your spirit. That's what it did for me.

Matthew 11:29-30

29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Clearly, Bella has read this scripture before. She has no problem finding rest.

Love It!

2008-10-29T15:54:00.000-04:00

We had record low temperatures here in South Florida this morning. It was actually in the 40's. That's the coldest October weather I've experienced in the seven years I've lived here. Gosh, I am loving life! I always get a little homesick this time of the year. Friends and family in Pennsylvania and Ohio always talk about the brisk temperatures and changing leaves. (It actually snowed in Pittsburgh today!)

Don't get me wrong--I love Florida. But change is good! It was nice to break out a sweater vest and blazer this morning. It's the little things that mean so much.

Life is Amazing

2008-10-27T18:20:00.000-04:00

The purpose of today's post is simply to say how appreciative I am of the beautiful world around me. When I look at God's creation I am speechless in its vast beauty and diversity. I took the photos below in a span of approximately three minutes in my backyard this morning. How amazing! Each specimen is beautiful in its own right and serves a purpose, working in concert with its surroundings.

Matthew 6:28-29

28 And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.

Gratitude

2008-10-26T15:35:00.000-04:00

Definition of gratitude: noun - a feeling of being grateful for gifts or favours

Have you ever noticed that sometimes in the thick of things it's difficult to see the details of a situation as they unfold? I think this is something everyone has experienced at one time or another, for better or worse. It happens to me all the time. I get so swept up in the day-to-day workings of life, that I don't fully appreciate things for what they are or for what they represent. I experienced this scenario in a big way this past Thursday.

I was mindful and appreciative of the little things that happened throughout my day, but when I really stepped back that evening (while laying in bed, waiting for sleep to take over) I really saw -- in my mind's eye -- what had happened.

I received several telephone calls and emails Thursday from people who just called to check in. They were mostly from people who hadn't heard from me in a couple of weeks and were reaching out to find out what was going on with Greg and I and with the adoption. As I stated in my initial post, last week wasn't necessarily a good week for me. I learned that we are at a temporary standstill in our adoption. And not only that, we were hit with a $4,000 (+/-) increase in our adoption fee. I was feeling a little self-pity last week and these telephone calls and emails gave me an opportunity to vent. (Sorry to those of you who reached out to me. :-* ) I was moved with each of these individual "contacts", but it wasn't until late that evening that I truly realized what transpired throughout the day. The people who called and emailed did so because they truly CARE ABOUT US. What a lovely thing! And what a lovely, moving gesture. And not only did these people reach out to us, but they offered their support in various ways. And I didn't get it at the moment of contact, but boy did it hit me over the head when I looked at the entire picture. These beautiful people offered themselves to us. I mean, really offered themselves -- in very meaningful and substantial ways. These offers ranged from "just thinking about you" to "we'll be praying for you" to "we'll stage a letter writing campaign for you" to "we'll help you with the money if you need it" to "you're going to spend Christmas with us this year because we know it's going to be difficult for you and you need to be with people who love you". Talk about blessed!!!! And I mean blessed, over and over and over again. And let me tell you -- I was really down last week. I was feeling tested in my faith. And I was praying for God to strengthen and increase my faith. And he sent people (angels on earth, if you will) to bolster my faith. What an awesome God! He is faithful! And he is great -- ALL THE TIME! (Phillipians 4:6-7 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.)

So thank you my beautiful "family of friends", for that is what you all are. You are our family. And we do NOT take you for granted. In fact, we are full of gratitude that you have been placed (albeit strategically) in our lives.

In closing, the following verse came to mind as I reflected on Thursday's experience. It is a scripture from one of my devotionals a couple of weeks ago. And low and behold, our pastor (Rick Whitter) referenced this scripture in this morning's service. It beautifully states the importance of relationships in our lives. And I am grateful for each and every one of you.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Okay -- here we go

2008-10-23T20:47:00.000-04:00

I've wanted to start this blog for months now, but just haven't had an opportunity. I've been so busy with a myriad of activities and responsibilities. To illustrate the types of tasks I've been undertaking let me tell you what my husband just said. He asked me if I could stay "old-fashioned" "so I could churn up some ice cream." But in all fairness, my prince redeemed himself immediately by throwing me a reduced fat, sugar-free fudgecicle while saying, "Even bloggers need energy." I love this man!

To bring everyone up to speed, Greg and I are in the latter stage(s) of an international adoption. We're adopting an infant boy (birth to 12 months) from Ethiopia. As of today it has been six months and five days since we sent our Dossier off to Ethiopia. (Not than I'm counting, of course.) According to our agency's initial estimate, we should have received a referral in five to seven months. But due to Ethiopia's recent two-month (August/September) court closure, the court is inundated with adoptions. Subsequently this has caused an overflow in our agency's orphanages and transition home. We learned last week that the agency will not provide any referrals to waiting parents until they get children out of the orphanages and transition home and to the States with their families. They're hoping this will change in November, but as we learned early in this process, all bets are off. Anything can happen. The one thing we've learned during this ordeal is that we are in control of nothing and everything is subject to change at a moment's notice.

BUT, we are resilient and of strong faith. So I will continue to sit on my hands (as I used to tell daughter Brittany so she wouldn't get into trouble) and wait. After all, patience is a virtue.

Habakkuk 2:3
For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.