Saturday, January 23, 2010

Paralyzed with Sadness

I have been filled with a deep sense of sadness since the January 12th earthquake devastated Haiti’s Port-Au-Prince region. This sadness in turn has left me somewhat paralyzed. Throughout the day (and sometimes night) my thoughts turn to the people worldwide affected by this disaster. It’s been 11 days and I still have a hard time grasping the full physical meaning of what has happened and continues to unfold there. I see the images on television, in the newspaper and on the internet. I don’t let myself “obsess” with news of the happenings as I’ve done in the past. I learned from 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina that it’s easy to be pulled into the media coverage and how you suffer mentally and physically from allowing that happen. While I’ve “safely” observed this tragedy, it hasn’t lessened the sorrow, shock, disbelief and sense of helplessness I feel.

Don’t get me wrong. The one thing I don’t have is a sense of hopelessness. I know our LORD ALMIGHTY is sovereign over this event and will continue to be sovereign over every single thing that happens in this fallen world. But I, as a living, breathing and deeply feeling human being, want to do something—anything. However, I feel completely and utterly useless in helping to make a difference in this situation. Yes, we’ve donated to the disaster relief through our church, but honestly what impact will our meager donation have overall? This is a question I’ve been wrestling with. For 11 days I’ve been figuratively paralyzed with the words of 16th century martyr John Bradford running through my mind, “'There, but for the grace of God, go…”

I so desperately want to make a difference. I want to go to Haiti and move bricks and rubble and serve water and food and wipe tears. I want to hold hands and rock babies and comfort those in need. But I can’t. And the meager amount we’ve given as permitted by our present budget just doesn’t seem like enough. And when you look at Haiti as a whole, what would be enough? Poverty, hunger, lack of medical care and despair are not new to Haiti nor are these statistics unique to other undeveloped nations. According to a relatively recent United Nations Human Development Report, prior to the January 12th earthquake, nearly 80 percent of Haiti’s population lived in poverty, with roughly 72 percent living on less than two dollars per day. The same report cites 78 percent of Ethiopian citizens living on less than two dollars per day, which was one of the many reasons we chose to adopt a child from Ethiopia.

So what is my point in all of this? I’m not sure. I know I desperately want to rescue the world. My compassionate heart continues to grow, apparently commensurate with my age. The older I get, the more pressing it becomes for me to make a difference. I guess that’s why I wanted to adopt a child at my “advanced” age. I’ve had many people make the incorrect assumption that I did it for Greg’s sake. Nothing could be further from the truth. Last night a woman I had just met boldly asked me that very question. Truth be told, I’d adopt as many children as I could physically care for, but there is a little thing called “money” that stands in the way of this. I have a definite and huge tug on my heartstrings to adopt at least one, possibly two, more child(ren). At present not everyone in our household is on board with this, and that’s understandable.

Sometimes I ponder the question, “If I were granted one wish what would it be?” My answer always vacillates back and forth between wiping out poverty and abolishing loneliness. Removing one from the planet won’t ease the other one. So which is more important? See—this is how easy it is (at least for me) to get caught up in a sense of uselessness. Even if you had the ultimate power to change the world by removing one of its most pressing issues it’s still not enough to wash away its woes. How crazy is that? So what am I personally going to do about it? Well, for starters I’m going to keep on praying: praying for everyone to accept Jesus as their LORD and Savior, that the sick and hurting are cared for, the hungry are fed, the lonely are comforted, babies and children find loving homes, racism and hatred are wiped from the face of the earth, that everyone has enough… Please dear LORD, let there be enough—especially for our brothers and sisters in Haiti.

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