Girding My Loins

I have not been a faithful blogger. It's been more than a month since my last post. There were numerous holiday parties throughout December. Christmas has come and gone. Ditto for New Year's eve/day. The tree is gone. The decorations are packed away. Work has resumed and time marches on.

I'm minimizing things of course. The holidays were wonderful. We traveled to Cincinnati to spend Christmas with family. We were blessed to spend almost five full days with our cousins and Godson. It was so wonderful to be around family. I miss them. I wish daughter Brittany would've joined us, that's the only thing that would have made it absolutely 100% perfect. But alas, she spent Christmas with hubby Mike at home. But that's okay. We'll get to see them in March, God willing, when they come to visit.

Christmas was bittersweet this year. I learned Christmas Eve day that my mother was in the hospital undergoing surgery. She had actually been there for three days. I was saddened beyond words that no one had bothered to contact me. But that's a story I won't go into right now. I was also disappointed that we were really no closer to a referral for our child at the end of December then we were in the beginning of October. As we celebrated last Christmas I was pretty certain we would at least know who our little guy is this Christmas, but that didn't happen. I won't lie. I was a sad about that. I felt as if we had been at a standstill for a long, long time.


Referrals began to flow the first week of January though. And they continue to do so at a record pace. On the YG unofficial list we are number two in line for an infant boy. I am on pins and needles every single day. And on the days when there have been referrals I don't know whether to puke or cry as I wait for the phone to ring. And that's the honest truth. That's how worked up I get.


My greatest concern over the past several weeks though has been what seems to be a constant barrage of spiritual warfare I'm undergoing. This doesn't really surprise me. The more you walk your spiritual walk, the more Satan comes after you. And I've really been using this waiting period to dig deeper into God's word and spend more time in prayer and meditation. So it stands to reason the devil would come a knockin'. I've been bitter (see paragraph 3), I've been quick to become angry over silly things, I've been full of self-pity, and I've doubted God's faithfulness. I've had some very dark days as of late. But my greatest mistake has been to think that God condemned me for these thoughts and actions. The Holy Spirit may have convicted me, but I'm responsible for the condemning. Me and only me.


So, I'm going to pick myself up and brush myself off and start all over again. That's the beauty of life. I get a do over tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day.... You get what I mean. Isn't God great?!?!


Psalm 86:15

But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.