1 Samuel 1:27-28
27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD."…
I have so much to tell so I’m simply going to start writing and see where this takes me. (I tried to post a brief version of this story on my blog Thursday evening, but I hit some key that erased the entire post. So I guess I wasn’t supposed to be brief in telling this story. And in retrospect, it would’ve been a slight to God to not give him the fullest glory possible for what he did Thursday.) Bear with me—this is a long one.
We received our long-awaiting referral call from AWAA Thursday. It is a day and date I will never forget. After sixteen sometimes torturous months of waiting, we finally know who our son is! But the call wasn’t the only thing that is so memorable.
The day began like any other day. I got up at 4:45 AM and went to the gym as usual. I had a great workout. I came home, grabbed a cup of coffee and headed into Baby Jackson’s room for my daily devotionals and prayer time. And immediately as I sat down God revealed an answer to me that I had been searching for since November. (Mind you, it is important for you to know this does not happen to me often. God has spoken to me a couple of times over the past few months, but typically I do the talking and God does the listening.) I had been praying ardently for something relating to the adoption and felt as if I wasn’t getting any response from God. It was about a matter that I truly did not want to respond to on my own. I wanted my action(s) to be fully according to God’s will but I wasn’t receiving any direction from him. The previous day (Wednesday) we had to meet a deadline for something and I made the best decision I could with information I had at hand, hoping it was pleasing to God. In sitting down for my morning of prayer, God told me that what I had done was of HIM. And I was so happy because it was made so clear to me. I literally smiled, raised my hand and said aloud, “THANK YOU.”
I finished reading my devotionals and moved into reading the designated scriptures. (I began reading a devotional last year that walks you through the Bible. I began mid-year with Isaiah and began Genesis January 1st.) Thursday’s reading was about Joseph and his reunion with his brothers in Egypt. Not to go too far afield, I am estranged from my siblings for reasons that have nothing to do with me. It has been their choice to extricate themselves from my life. Over the years I’ve tried to re-establish a relationship with them but my efforts have gone unanswered. Now, you may ask yourself what does this have to do with our referral. Well, to me it has nothing, yet everything to do with it. You see, it’s what God has placed (or in this case removed) from my heart. I’ve been very bitter about a family matter as of late. (Refer to previous blog entry.) And as I read this chapter about Joseph I decided I would send my sister a card. The only thing I wrote in the card is the following:
1 John 4:7
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
“XXXX, Know you are loved. Bobbie”
And that’s it. That’s all I wrote. I just wanted my sister to know that no matter what has happened in the past, she is loved by God and she is loved by me. This small gesture opened up a huge pathway in my heart. This action combined with my admission of doubt and frustration in my blog the previous evening literally took a weight off my shoulders. All I could think of was this scripture:
Matthew 11:29-30
29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I was a thousand pounds lighter!
I put my Bible down, moved onto my hands and knees, bunched up as tight as I could with my forehead resting on the floor and began to pray. I began with a prayer of thanks for God’s revelation to me in his answer to my many months of prayers. And the tears began to flow. I could feel God’s presence in the room with me. And I was crying and praying aloud, prayers of thanksgiving for all God has done in my life, for all of the wonderful blessings far too numerous to name, literally like grains of sand on the beach and stars in the sky. I prayed for forgiveness for all of my sins and shortcomings, confessing my doubt and fear. And as I prayed I felt God place a blanket (or robe) over my shoulders and his hands were resting on my shoulders and he was telling me, “It’s okay. I’m here with you.” And I saw, in a vision, our stack of paperwork in someone’s hands. And he told me (without words) that our referral was coming; that is was underway. I didn’t know when. I didn’t see that, only that it was coming. I finished my prayers, emotionally spent and overwhelmed by the experience.
I got up and went in to the kitchen and texted an important prayer warrior in my life to tell her what had just happened. She called me and we talked about it. I told her our referral would be coming soon. I didn’t know when, but I had total peace in my heart that we would be hearing from AWAA – soon.
I went to work and received a call from our adoption coordinator regarding an email I had sent the previous week. Mind you, I have had very little unsolicited contact from AWAA during the past sixteen months. So when I saw the area code, my heart literally stopped. But Terra began the conversation saying she thought she would call me instead of emailing her response. We talked for a few minutes and then I joked with her about calling me out of the blue like that when I’m so close to a referral. She admitted that we were “very” close. I joked with her that she needed to use the code work “Jackson” when she would be calling with our referral and that if she called again and I didn’t hear that word then I would know it was just a regular old “business” call. We laughed and concluded the conversation. I texted my prayer warrior friend to tell her what had happened and we bantered back and forth about it via text messages. I went back to work (still a bit shaken) to finish a project Greg needed for a meeting.
About an hour and half later my phone rings again. I see it is AWAA’s area code and again, my heart stops. I answer and it is our coordinator. I hear the word, “Jackson.” And that’s it. I completely lose my mind. I fall to my knees and I am crying so hard I can barely speak. I can’t breathe. She tells me a bit about the baby boy God has sent us. And he is perfect.
I do not know what I am supposed to do with all of these words, but I do know I was supposed to put pen to paper to chronicle this story. If not for you, the reader, it is for our son, Jackson. The course of this journey was plotted not by me or Greg, but by our loving and gracious Father in heaven.
Isaiah 55:8-9
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. 9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
And I ask all of you to continue to pray for us and for Baby Jackson until he is safely home. There are still many bureaucratic obstacles to overcome before the process is complete. So please, I implore you, continue praying this sweet child home.Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. We are forever grateful.
Proverbs 16:3-4
3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. 4 The LORD works out everything for his own ends—
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