id n. - In Freudian theory, the division of the psyche that is totally unconscious and serves as the source of instinctual impulses and demands for immediate satisfaction of primitive needs.
ego n. - 1. The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves. 2. In psychoanalysis, the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality.
mer•cy n. pl. mer•cies
1. Compassionate treatment, especially of those under one's power; clemency.
2. A disposition to be kind and forgiving
3. Something for which to be thankful; a blessing
4. Alleviation of distress; relief
Id, ego and mercy—three small words comprised of between two to five letters each. The first two words are related in nature. The third word, mercy, might as well reside in another universe. Yet all three words have great importance in our household at present.
Master Jackson has learned the fine art of temper tantrums. At only 15 months of age I think he’s a little ahead of the game, but then again he is a toddler and toddlers lack inhibitions and control. As an adult, however, I am supposed to exhibit self-control, two-fold actually—enough for both of us. Some days this is easier said than done.
Master Jackson is not a laid-back, chill kind of child. He is extremely inquisitive and always on the move. He has been like this since the day we arrived home from Ethiopia. The child has always needed to be in constant motion, and this usually means in my arms. Not necessarily because he enjoys my company, mind you, but because I do more interesting things than he does. Being in my arms gives him a much better vantage point from which to explore the world. Realistically though he simply cannot be in my arms 24/7. I have things I need to accomplish (work for Bella Group, laundry, dishes, making meals, cleaning…) but Master Jackson can’t comprehend this. Combine this fact with Master Jackson’s attempt to conquer his world and you have the potential for a short-fuse at any given time. Master Jackson is not an exception in this respect. Simply put, when he doesn’t get what he wants, he turns to one of the only tools at his disposal for venting frustration—a tantrum.
Sounds like I have it all figured out, right? Sounds like there should be an easy solution to keeping the titans in their respective corners, right? Wrong! Master Jackson’s tantrums are just the tip of the iceberg. Not only do you have Master Jackson and his newfound knack for pitching a fit when the wind changes direction, but you also have the strong personalities of Bobbie and Greg to add to the mix. As mentioned above, Greg and I as adults have the ability to control our impulses. That does not mean, however, that we do not feel frustration and irritation. Yes, as adults with very real pressures and problems we sometimes have short fuses ourselves—with each other, neighbors, store clerks, our employees, people who share the roadways with us. The list goes on and on. And did I mention strong personalities? Ah, yes. Classic Type A personalities.
Wow! That is not a very pretty description of Greg and I, now is it? It makes us sound downright mean spirited. Guess what—sometimes we are. We can be impatient with and unkind toward each other. That leaves me feeling pretty lousy about myself and I bet Greg would say the same. God expects more from us and He spells it out very clearly in His Word.
Proverbs 15:18
18 A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
Ecclesiastes 7:8-9
8 The end of a matter is better than its beginning,
and patience is better than pride.
9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit,
for anger resides in the lap of fools.
Romans 12:7-9
7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully. 9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
The good news is that through prayer we can ultimately use our powers for good. Through prayer I can ask God to impart in me the same mercy and grace He extended to us through the death and resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Through prayer I can ask God for His wisdom and patience which, by the way, are right in front of me through the Holy Spirit who is always with me. I just have to check my ego at the door first. And when I fall short of God’s expectations for me, let’s not forget that through prayer I can confess my sins and He will forgive me, far more readily than I forgive myself.
The irony of the whole toddler/tantrum dilemma is that Master Jackson throws tantrums because he wants independence and control over his environment. Master Jackson and I engage in power struggles because he thinks he is more capable of doing things for himself than he really is. When faced with boundaries and realizing his limits, the stage is set for a tantrum. When I on the other hand realize I can’t do things on my own, forego my own independence and turn things over to God my life is so much better. There is a calmness that comes over me, my family—our entire little corner of the world when I’m no longer trying to stuff a square peg in a round hole. Boy do I look forward to the day when Jackson gains this insight. I know that’s a long way off and until then I’m going to continue to breathe in and breathe out and remember that at only five letters long the word mercy is a much bigger word than either id or ego.
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